Whatever It Takes

Camila's World

Whatever It Takes

12

Camila

Shawn and I went home after our dinner. We both went straight to bed, due to an exhausting day. He was knocked out when he laid down the bed, and I was left staring at the ceiling not being able to sleep. He said he was not ready for kids. I mean, it's already here. We can't undo things like this. What's done is done right? God this is so hard. What am I supposed to do now?

"Honey?" I heard Shawn move closer to my body, rubbing my arms. "What's wrong? You're crying."

I'm crying? Oh my god.

"I-I." I tried to speak, but sobs came out of my mouth.

"It's okay. It's one of those days?" He asked rolling me so I could face him. He was wiping away my tears, and my snot, which made me giggle a little. "Everything will be alright, Camila. You know I'm here right?" Shawn said staring into my eyes as I nodded my head, resting it on his shoulder.

"I love you so much." I cried as he kissed my head.

"I love you too, Mila."
--

"Shawn, can we stay cuddled in bed today?"

We were up for a couple of hours now, our sweats dripping all over our bodies. The sheets were already sticking to my skin.

"I guess a shower first before we smell like sex the whole day?" Shawn said laughing as he carried me to the bathroom. He put me down the shower, opening the faucet as water dripped down my body. "Are you feeling alot better now?" He asked as he grabbed the shampoo and poured it on my hair.

"I am now. Thank you." I smiled at him and reached for his face. He was too tall, so I had to tiptoe everytime I kiss him. "Would you want a kiss, dude?" I rolled my eyes as he laughed and pecked my lips. "Saskwatch." I mumbled softly.
--

Living with Shawn is amazing. I don't remember not being taken care of, with or without him at home. Even when he's recording in Canada, or if I was in New York, he made me feel that he's got everything cleared out, or settled out for me, so I don't get anxious. He's one of the people that is helping me get through my anxiety. We've been together for almost 3 years now, and we've been living with each other for 2. We permanently reside in California, recording here and in New York. The first year we were together, he was on tour, and Fifth Harmony just disbanded. I went with him the second leg of the tour, after I decided I wouldn't want to be alone and sulking at home.

On the second year we were together, we released an album. The songs we wrote while we were on the road were what's part of the album, and a tour was actually prepared for that, but of course, I was not really ready to get back on the road performing. So I started recording, which what is still I'm doing right now.

I'm just pushing it back further, even though everyone keeps saying it's already amazing and that the world already needs to hear it. But why don't I feel the same about it? It's like there is something missing.

"That's too much thinking for your little head, honey."

"Oh sorry." I sighed, shifting my body to cuddle to him closer. We were in bed, still, watching an episode of How To Get Away With Murder. Shawn's a big fan, and I'm just a small fan. I like it, but not as much as Shawn.

"What's up, Mila?" He said pausing the TV, and sitting up, making me sit up too. "You've been spacing out alot. Are you stressed?"

"I'm fine, honey." I tried smiling, but ofcourse, he knows me too well.

"Karla."

"Drop it Shawn." I said irritated, lying down the bed and grabbing my phone.

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