The Things I Notice

School Girl

I remember how I use to get excited to go to school

To get dressed up in my pigtails and glitter covered shoes

And see your gap toothed smile across the playground

You would shyly smile at me and run away with all the other boy our age

But those few second could last me till the next time I met your gaze

When your friends would ask if I had a crush on you

I would scream of cooties and shake my barrette filled head

I remember how I hated coming to school

That one group of girls that wanted to end me all because I thought you were cute

They would take my pens and draw horrible words on my notebook

Telling me that I was to ugly for him to even look at me

But you would always call them over to you and away from me

When they later asked me again if I liked you

I mumbled my answer and ran before they could holler at me once again

I remember how I was so confident when school started again

I had gotten a tan and lost that extra baby fat everyone would pinch and pull at

My mother has gotten me new clothes that showed off my body

When other guys tried to get my number and ask me out

You would hurry over and throw your arm around me, claiming me as yours

So when they asked me if we were dating after you finally let me go

I winked and said that they would have to ask him, because I secretly didn't know either

I remember how confused I felt in our final few years of school

My barrettes turned to tight pants and my glittery shoes flipped to thongs

And when dirty mouthed boys tried to pick me up for Friday night parties

You didn't even turn your head towards me or flash me those wonderful eyes I loved long ago

In fact, we didn't even speak anymore because of your new girlfriend

When my friend asked me of I still had feelings for you

I couldn't control myself when I let out a flowing river of tears

I remember how lonely I was at college without your presence

States and miles away, I had no way to contact you at all

Only seeing your eyes when I was starring into his own

So when the man at the corner asked me to go home with him who had your same old haircut

I forced myself to believe that I could finally be with you again for a few hours

So when the man asked me to scream out his name for him

All I could manage to get out of my mouth without sobbing was yours

I remember how relieved I was when I finally returned home after dropping out of my classes

My mother hadn't changed my room at all and made me a special dinner once I settled in

She had a picture of me and you when we were younger, so I lost my appetite

Putting the multicolored barrettes back into my thin and lifeless hair

I cried all night and wished to be younger and careless again

When the therapist my mother ordered for me asked if I still loved him

I could barely even open my mouth to respond

Because I didn't know what love felt like anymore

-

Bus rides home from school are always a good time to think through the though parts of life if you ask me. Which you should.

-TaylorMarie