Dear Someone,
I'm on a plane to New York as we speak. The eary silence of the plane was making me freak out so this is the only thing keeping me from not freaking the fuck out. Before me and the boys departed from each other I started to hug Louis and someone from management started to flip out. Literally, flip out. It was pretty bad.. Let's just say I cant speak to him for about a week now and Management has assigned me a "date" with Taylor Swift scheduled when I arrive at New York. Now like I said before, I don't really know who I really am. So what if I might be bisexual? Management needs to stop trying to "fix" me. They need to be accepting instead of a couple of insignificant assholes setting me up with dates.
To be honest, I don't even find Taylor attractive. Her personality behind the cameras rolling completely kill her outer beauty. She's a stuck up bitch, there I said it. Im not ashamed of it. But I have to atleast act like im happy. I have to act like being with her is the most amazing shit in the world because if I don't, Management will have my head mounted on their wall.
Management controling my life is really fucking me up inside. 'Deeply. It's to the point where I am like "If im not allowed to make my own desicions am I really a person? Should I even live?" Im literally like a fucking puppet to them. They are the puppet masters controling my everymove. I shouldn't even try anymore. Yes my fucked up thoughts are like this, sometimes they are even more graphic, believe me.
I hope my stress levels go down soon.. The doctors say it's dangerously high. If only it was as easy as they think it is. It's like im alive and not allowed to die. Im alive but secretly dying inside slowler and slower. Have you ever wanted to scream so loud to let your feelings out but you dont anyway because no one will hear you. It's like no one would care.
I don't know what to do in New York. I go outside and get attacked.. I hope nothing big happens between the news that Taylor and I are on a date together. "Haylor" is a big Hell no to me. I hate how people think im dating any girl im next to.
The plane is starting to get bumpy making my bad illegible handwriting look even worse, so I'll just stop now. I have 1 more hour to go. Time to plug in my headphones and let the music drown the outside world away from me. Time to let music take me away from reality.
Harry
