The Space Between

Chapter 27: Saving Forever For You

"Surprise...," she greeted me hesitantly.

I just looked at her and forced myself to take one step at a time, one motion at a time. I feel so deadened, like the last leaf of hope flew out of the window, leaving me with just the cold breath of melancholy.

I could see her struggling, trying to smile, trying to pump sunshine in the dead silence. She fidgeted with her hands, and then tuck them in her back pocket.

She seems to give up when she sighed and said, "I really thought I'm invited for tonight. I... I guess it might be some other time and day."

I was still unmoving; I was just staring at her. One look at me, and I could feel hopelessness creep in her soul. I saw her shoulders hunched in defeat as she turned away.

And yet, she was still the most beautiful withered flower that I saw tonight.

"Stay. Please...," I couldn't seem to stop myself from uttering those words. I couldn't look at her, so I stared hard on the ground where my feet seems to have taken root.

I could sense her stopping, but still her back on me.

"We can always talk," I offered.

Tentatively, we both sat on the pavement, like two kids out to watch the parade of fireflies on the street. We were both wrapped up in our own emotions and frailty.

I heard her sigh.

"So how did it go?" I asked, trying to keep my voice from choking.

"Okay lang. We had dinner, with Ella. Chill mode. Except...," she faltered on her last thought.

Silence seems to be haunting us, and we keep on sharing it like a much needed blanket on a cold night like this.

I could see her getting restless, as she keeps on playing with the laces of her shoes. While all I could think about is just basking in her embrace with my nose on her hair, and pretend everything is going well...

"Kief, do you think this would work?"

That stopped me from my reverie. "Why do you ask?"

"You, with your senseless jealousy and all."

I clenched my fist together, "I'm not super human after all, Ly. I realized I also feel the pain... of the reality that...," I blinked back the tears, "I can't have what I dream of..."

"Tell me your dreams," she asked softly.

My heart is breaking, yet she asks me to put it in a platter, "I guess I have nothing more to say because I just woke up from it."

*********************

My heart suddenly stopped beating. And I couldn't help but look at him. He was avoiding me, as if he wanted to forget me, forget about us. I wanted to reach out and hold his hand, just to keep my blood from freezing. But I couldn't seem to, so I just rested my chin on my knees.

"I never expected it to end like this. I never expected you to give up on me," I tried to swallow the hollow feeling in my heart.

He seems to be surprised, "Believe me," his voice quivering, "I never wanted to give up. But there's this tiny voice that's telling me that I could never be good enough for you... that there would always be someone... someone who will always have that special place in you..."

"Jovee?" I couldn't help but ask him.

He just hung his head, not answering. I wanted to laugh and kick him in the head. "I'm not gonna lie. Jovee will always be the first boy that I have loved."