The Runaway Princess

Wedding Preparation

"You can't."
"Too late." I sigh, "I already told him I would."
"It's not fair!" Brooke stomps her feet, like a little girl throwing a tantrum.
"You're not even the one who's having to get married!" Ava snickers, a smile on her lips.
"If you would have seen her grow from diapers up until now with that boy, you'd be protesting too!" She kneels down on her knees and grabs my hands, "He loves you!"
"Technically he doesn't love 'me'." I close my eyes, trying to forget last night.
"You can still have him... Right?" Ava questions and I think for a moment.
"I don't think he'd want me." I admit out loud, "I get why he left -because he didn't recognize the girl who left her home town- but he also doesn't understand that a lot has changed since then! I'm not all sneakers and skateboards anymore... I actually care somewhat for high heels and gowns. I miss my old wardrobe, but I have gotten used to this."
"You have changed in those areas, but  never will you change how badly you fight for what you want. When you see something you want: you go for it! Nothing holds you back!" She looks away before looking back, "What's holding you back?" I stay silent, not wanting to answer, but partly not knowing the answer.
"Herself." Brooke stands again and Ava takes her hand. "Something inside her is stopping her from doing just that. She has to fix that by herself; it can take a few days, or a few years... I'm proof."
"I'm getting married. Set the date and I'll tell him." I stay in, what my parents would say is, 'denial'. I stand and go to join him once more outside. I'm done talking about not doing this.

***

"Three weeks."
"Thank you, Princess Jocelyn." Gus properly answers. Must be around his parents....
"I'll see you... Well, the next time I see you." I murmur, feeling my throat tighten.
"Have a lovely evening, my future queen." I hang up, not meaning to be short. I don't want to be called that by him; I want Connor... But I can't have Connor.
"Knock knock." Brooke cracks open the door. We've gotten closer, since she knows exactly where I stand.
"Hey." I calmly reply, patting on my bed for her to join me.
"How's my daughter?" She smiles.
"I don't know- you should tell me once you find her." I get up and wonder to my closet. I strum through my clothes, and think about wearing a pair of jeans; at least for a few seconds... Definitely not around Ava.
"Last time I checked, I thought that was you...."
"I haven't seen her for a while." I murmur, and I notice Ava at the entry, watching me.
"You nervous? Or are you second guessing?"
"Is that normal?" I scrunch my eyebrows.
"When you don't love the guy... Yes." She snickers and sits on a little chair in the corner. I move to the opposite side of the closet, where all the gowns are. One of them will be my wedding dress....
"I always wanted this." I confess, "A big wedding. I just wanted to actually be in Love." I sigh.
"You don't have to." I give her a look and she laughs. "I had that choice too; I could've easily backed out of it, but I chose to go with it."
"Why?"
"I still don't know." She laughs.
"I'm going for it... I'm just-"
"Unhappy with it?" She looks at her lap. "Yeah, I know how you feel. And watching your best friend fall for him isn't helping either, is it?"
"No. I have never seen Mae act like that! She's more giggles, more dresses, and it's making a pit in my stomach. What happened between you and my mom -well, you're both my mothers- so, my other mom I don't want to happen to us. But I don't know if I can prevent that...."
"I don't think you can..." She winks, "Only she can. If I could I would do differently."

***

I look out my bedroom window and spot Gus and Mae, standing awfully close together. I feel my stomach tumble and I press my arm on the window ledge.
"If you're going to throw up, do it outside the window not the inside." I turn around and catch my dad. Aaron, not Tony.
"Daddy!" I hug him. I haven't seen him since he took off when I announced I was marrying Gus.
"My little dare devil." He kisses the top of my head and pulls away. "Especially now..." He murmurs. "I don't think I have ever seen you show that much skin." My bikini is a little revealing.
"I don't like it either. But, a princess has to-"
"Wait a second," He holds his hands up, "are you excusing showing off your body? Even a princess doesn't need to do that." He stands back. "I raised you to be confident in yourself without having to show off your body. You don't need to be pressured into doing something you don't want to dear. You're still you."

But am I still me? I have the same name- well to some people. But there's more to it than just a name... Isn't there? I miss my smart comebacks, my sarcastic language, my skateboard, my jeans and flannels. I miss my old life.
But maybe that just it.
My old life.
Maybe I'm meant to out grow all that and become this well-oiled machine who does what she's commanded to do. Maybe I don't have a say anymore.

Or maybe I do.
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