swirl ›› cameron dallas

fifty

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{cameron's pov}
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4 days after.

I mixed the colours, trying to make it work.
But it was impossible. My mind was somewhere else.

The funeral was calm. My mom and Sierra only spent here a day and then I only recognised more two or three people.

I threw the canvas to the floor and left my room. Paint helped me relax...but not anymore. Nothing makes sense anymore.

I walked downstairs and saw a few suitcases in front of the door. Her suitcases.

She walked out of the kitchen cleaning her eyes.

"Breanna...what's going on?"

"Oh, now you talk with me?" She asked seriously.

"What do you mean?"

"Cameron...you basically don't talk with me. You locked yourself inside that damn room. You don't kiss anymore, you don't hug me anymore...I miss you...I miss my Cameron."

"I'm still here."

"No, you're not my Cameron anymore...And I don't wanna judge for that because I wanna believe that it's a temporary thing. I understand how sad you are and I wanna help you, I really do but you just don't let me and I can't stay here anymore without being able to be with you. You have been ignoring me these past few days."

"I can't help...I'm sorry."

"I just want you to know that I'm leaving you...I'm not leaving us. I just can't do this to myself. Whenever you're ready just call and I'll come back immediately."

"Where are you going ?"

"I'm going to LA, where I belong." She replied and I nodded.

"Goodbye Breanna."

"We used to say see you soon... Don't forget that. You just have to call."

She picked up her suitcases and walked out the door.

I saw my happiness leaving. The only girl that I truly loved and I was weak enough to let her go.
I don't wanna love anymore. I don't want to love to then lose. I started loving my dad and I lost him. Now that I love her...I can't imagine her leaving forever.

But maybe...it's the best for both.

I don't wanna block her, I wanna stop her. She's making amazing things. Working with a fashion magazine where everyone loves her job, great marks in college. And then she has me. I'm not good enough for her.

I can't even find my inspiration. I can't do what I love.

I'm not living, I'm just surviving.

My body is empty, my soul turned black. I'm making this to myself and I know it.

I'm letting her go...

I'll miss how crazy and lovely she is.
I'll miss her high fives because she really goes for it and it hurts.
I'll miss our conversations, the serious ones and the funny ones. The conversations about art and how focused and determined she looked and sounded talking about photography.
I'll miss our memories and our plans to the future.
I'll miss seeing her walking around with oversized shirts that used to belong to me.
I'll miss her funny laugh and her adorable smile.
I'll miss the taste of her skin and the texture of her lips against mine.
I'll miss her.
I'll miss my girl.

I should call her already...but I know that I never will.

My world used to be colourful. Now, it's black and white and the only colour that existed...faded.

...
I decided to double update because the chapters are short.
More than 40k reads uhuh 🎉

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