swirl ›› cameron dallas

eighty eight

...
{breanna's pov}
...

3 months later.
New York.

I kept looking at Cameron, trying to read his thoughts but more than ever, that was an impossible mission.
He kept hitting the wheel repeatedly and unconsciously because of how nervous he was, and I don't judge him, I may be as nervous as him.

The car started slowing down, announcing our arrival, and our hearts started beating even faster.
He parked the car and then took a deep breath.

I unbelted the seatbelt but he placed his arm in front of me, trying to stop me.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

"I don't think you should come..." He said looking at me.

"I have to go."

"Bree, seriously, you're going through a dangerous stage right now. This isn't a good place and I don't want to put you and our baby in danger."

"Cameron, seriously." I started, mocking him. "I need to go, this is also important for me. Please, let me go."

"But..." He started saying but then stopped when he noticed that it really meant a lot for me. "Fine but if you start feeling uncomfortable, tell me and we will leave immediately."

"Deal." I nodded, smiling.

He got out of the car and opened the door, helping me.

Walking around while you're pregnant during the last months ain't easy, let me tell you my friends.

He opened the trunk of his car and took out a bunch of white roses.
He held them with one hand and I held his free hand, intertwining our fingers.

We kept walking and he was right, this isn't a good place. It makes your heart hurt but at the same time, you need to feel this pain.

When we finally found the headstone, I released his hand and he bent down, placing the bunch of roses in front of it.

"Hi dad." He said caressing a pic of his dad, lightly and carefully, with his fingers.

I crossed my arms against my chest and I didn't say a word because I knew this was his moment and I had to respect it.

"Today marks 5 years since I lost you and I still can't believe it. Actually, I didn't lose you, you died but I didn't lose you. I mean, I feel like you're still here because...you know, I've been learning a few things.
I learnt that we are more than a body. We are a soul and when we die, we only lose our body because our soul is eternal. And your soul is still with me.
I'm sorry if I disappointed you when you died, I was weak, I know. Now, I can say I lost someone because she was alive and I was too immature to see the amazing girl that I had in front of me..."

"Cam...I..." I said interrupting him but he immediately turned around, holding his index in front of his lips.

"Shh, can't you see that we're having a men talk." He said with a small smile and I chuckled, cleaning my eyes with the back of my hand.

"As I was saying, I'm sorry dad. But then I thought about the conversation that we had and about my promise. She promised you that she would take care of me but I also promised you that I would take care of her and I don't like to break my promises.
Thank you for the advices, thank you for our small talks. Thank you for being my dad.
I'm not gonna lie, it still hurts that you left us when I was younger. I wish I could have...a normal family...it sucked when I went to school and all the kids had their fathers with them and I didn't know what was that. I wish I could share my life more with you, personally and this time I needed your body and not only your soul...I miss you so bad."

He placed one hand in front of his face, cleaning his eyes, letting out small snobs.

I took a step closer to him and placed my hand on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly, and he placed his hand over mine.

"And now, it's crazy I know, but I'm gonna be a dad. You're about to be a grandpa. I'm building my own family. I didn't have the family that idealized when I was younger but now I'll give my best and be the best father ever to my kids. I'll take care of my family, be there for my family and I wish you could be here to keep giving me advices and teach me how to be the best father ever because even though I only shared with you the last days of your life, you were the best dad ever to me. I love you and I miss you buddy."

Cameron got up slowly, adjusting his outfit. He stood next to me and wrapped his arm around my body, pulling me closer to him and resting his chin over my head.

"That was beautiful." I murmured and he kept playing with my hair.

"I miss him so much Bree." He said and even though I couldn't see his face, I noticed his voice cracking.

"I know baby." I said hugging him even tighter.

He pulled away and placed his finger under my chin, making me look at him.
I got closer to his face and kissed him gently, sharing my love with him.

"You know what they say...when you lose someone, someone new comes." I said grabbing his hand and then placed it over my stomach.

"And I can't wait to see her." He said smiling.

"I'm sure you'll be a great father Cameron. Your dad will be proud of you."

...

in case you read what I posted on twitter...yes, I'll finish swirl and probably also contrast.