Muslimah in love

6. Apologies

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The first thing I did in the morning  was pack my weekend bag and head to my parents. I hadn't spoken a word to Zaid. I couldn't bring myself to. I just had to escape. Thank God, it was the weekend. I decided to take the train since it was might quicker to get home, my parents home anyway.  I sat staring outside the window; unaware of the beautiful scenery passing by. I felt dazed by those words, still unable to believe that Zaid, the handsome, smart and innocent- looking man that I was living with  had said such horrid words. To his pleasure. I wasn't pregnant since I was already on and the vomiting was just due to my severe period cramps. I didn't know what to do or where all this was heading. He didn't even apologize and had slept in the guest room. Then again, I swore at him and that was a huge no-no, hence I should apologize as well. I had never sworn at anyone so directly. Unfortunately the first time I did, was at my husband. Eeek, I felt so guilty and horrible.

'Darling, you're home.' Mum said rushing to hug me. 'Aww, Haven't seen you in absolute ages. Now where is that handsome son-in-law of mine. I never see him these days, he hardly ever comes.'

'Uh, He can't make it. He's...He's busy with work. As always.' I fake laughed, defending my brute of a husband.  I hated the way I was acting with my mum. All fake and cheery when inside I was burning with hurt and anguish. It had never been like that. I used to tell my Mum almost everything, excluding my previous crushes etc. Now, I couldn't tell her about my train wreck of a relationship; how everything was falling apart. I could imagine her pain and constant worry. That's the last thing I wanted especially when Dad was growing ill day by day. It was bad enough he already suffered a heart attack a few months before my marriage. But I did need someone to talk to. Someone to help me and that person was not going to be my mum.

'Is everything ok, Zara? You know I am here if you need advice or-'

'I am fine Mum,' I reassured her going into my old room, tearing open my headscarf and abayaa (black loose dress). It was exactly like I had left it and every time I came in here I felt like I was myself again. Single, happy and free, but the reality was so different. I sat on my comfy bed, then lied down hugging my princess pillow becoming the princess I had been in this house.My parents who spoiled me rotten, loved me like crazy and a best friend and protective older brother. I missed all this.

'Then why do you look so poorly? I know there's something wrong.' Mum said patting my head like old times. Damn, She got me. It reminded me of the line from 'Tangled' where Gothel tells Rapunzel 'Mother knows best': the difference was that my mum was not evil like Gothel and didn't lock me away.

'I am just stressed...' about my love life, my supposedly amazing husband and, ' about work, it's the exam season soon and i was pretty sick yesterday, vomiting argh.' I added.

'Oh, I know how much you hate vomit.' Suddenly a hope glinted in her eyes. I gulped and forced a smile

'No, grand kids yet Mum, don't know if he...we want any-yet.' I emphasized the 'yet'.

 'Anyway,  I am booking an emergency spa session.'

I felt so relaxed and good and for a few good moments I had forgotten and put a blockade on all my worries during my session. Now all of it came crushing down. My phone beeped and hope sparkled in me, but it wasn't him.

'Leah, Salaam, come over tonight. Sleepover. I am back- for the weekend though.'

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