Muslimah in love

19. Phones and trust

’Cut him some slack. He's sorry for God's sake!’ Kylie yelled at me as we sat in a small, cute café in the beautiful town of Colchester were everyone was so friendly. I was telling her about my trust issues. We had brought some of the sixth formers to visit Essex university for a History lecture. Although Kylie was an English teacher, I needed an extra member of staff and she volunteered. A paid day away from the same classrooms and faces, for once, was something you couldn't say no to. We had the children under supervised care and went exploring the town. It was safe for us to disappear for an hour or two.

’I’d forgive him in a heartbeat. ’ I looked at her bewildered.

Hmmm, if she knew my situation then I wouldn't have been sure of that statement. I hadn't informed anyone  of that incident which had made me think of acting out the forbidden act of suicide Astagfirullah (May God forgive me). After all, we should hide the faults of others, just like God veils our fault and sins. No one needed to know since it was between me and Zaid.

She smiled as if my life was just an episode from TV drama. Contrary to TV Dramas, I couldn't use cuts or transitions tools to manipulate time and skip minutes, hours, days, months or years of pain, stress or anguish from my life. I couldn't just focus and go slow motion on the 'happy' moments.

After that night, in the moonlight, I just rested my head on his shoulder. He looked at me understandingly and pulled me towards him and I sat there with my feel curled up enjoying the comfortable silence.

'Or you could dump him, go out, have a bit of fun and , meet others...Oh wait you don't do that.'

'No. I don't, I can't and would never think of doing that. It's cheating and I have a God to answer to. Anyway, the dating system is so overrated. I prefer the Victorian system better.' I let out a laugh, watching Kylie's horrified expression.

'You're seriously stuck in the past. You've read way too much historical romance.'

'Well, Duh. I took a History degree for a reason. Anyway, I  prefer other centuries than our selfish, narcissist and hedonistic one.'  

'Ok, that's a bit harsh and also...kind of' true. But seriously marriage? You're marrying someone you don't know, at all.'

' You do know them, because the parents do intensive research on the spouse-to-be beforehand. Well on all the practical stuff and then we leave it up to fate. Whatever happens thereafter, happens for a reason.' I shifted in my seat and moved forward, 'It's exactly like dating but just a more serious version.' Kylie raised her perfectly arched eyebrows. Alhamdulillah (Praise be to God), mines were naturally ok and besides, it was completely forbidden to pluck the eyebrows so it wouldn't have mattered how hairy or not they were, because why risk the curse of Godfor a few pieces of hair?

'Ok, when you start dating, do you know the guy?'

'Well, no I guess not.'

'Exactly. It's the same for marriage. I mean, the dating system, from my point of view, is just like a game. You can't text within this many minutes otherwise to desperate, or you can't leave it for too long otherwise you're not interested. Oh, you can't sleep together on the first date otherwise you're classified as slut, desperate or player. Like seriously, C'mon. You're supressing feelings which are supposed to normal.'  

'Ok, I see your point but I would never. What if I get hurt and it ends in a divorce?'

'Plenty of people have done it and continue to do it so its ok. A divorce is like a break-up...but a more severe one. Try it once, and if the guy is truthful and man enough to do it, then you can tell me that this system is stupid.' I told her. Kylie had had so many relationships and most were unsuccessful. She as tired of them and was ready to settle down. So I suggested the 'old fashion' way and she seemed doubtful.