Muslimah in love

12. A Simple Question Part.2

'You know you can't deny me my rights.' I turned around as Zaid stormed into my room. I thought our argument was over but clearly not. I willed my tears to disappear.  I read in a magazine once, that you keep your eyes open and tell yourself that you are not crying. Reverse psychology. It kind of worked.

'Your rights? I'm not denying you any. I'll continue to cook and clean. We'll keep up the appearances of a normal couple.'

'I don't understand what's brought all of this on?'

'I told you why. Whatever this is, isn't working.' 

He snorted. 'Do you know what I'm glad.'

'About?'

'Telling you about her. Should I tell you why my parents rejected her, what stupid, pathetic reason they did not let me marry her?'

I shrugged as if I didn't care. Truthfully I was now dying to know and I was hurt. I should've asked him before but it hadn't come to my mind. I got my laundry basket and started to put away my neatly pressed and fresh clothes.

'Stop!'

 I waved my hand in mock surrender at his command and sat on the edge of my bed. Not our because it was mine and will be taken with me when I left. There was no point of me asking for the flat, I was a teacher and I could hardly afford the rent of this place so the flat would remain his.

'So, is that why you moved to London, to get away from them? Is that why we never visit them?' I said now understanding why he acted so distant towards my parents-in-laws. Zaid nodded sadly.

'What's her name?'

'Jasmin.' He said it so freely. I looked at his face for some sort of emotion and guess what, there it was! His eyes brightened and his body relaxed as if all tension dissolved for him at the slight mention of her. Stupid, argh I turned away. Jealousy erupted in my body and I didn't blame myself. I would never utter that name ever. What did she have that I so badly lacked? Probably the fact that she was born to be a model and I wasn't. 

'Ok enlighten me. Why? Why didn't your parents let you marry her?' I said folding my hands.

'Because she's a divorcee. My parents didn't want me to marry divorced women.'  It was a stupid reason and I hated the fact that society turned people with a divorce, despite their past, into criminals.  

'Ok,  I'm sorry for what your parents did, but you know what our culture is like. You shouldn't have put yourself in that position and if you didn't, then I guess it was fate. But, you didn't have to drag me into this. You didn't have to marry me. You chose that and refused to accept it. You used me to try and move on and failed. That's unacceptable and utterly selfish of you. You know I could have married anyone. You destroyed  my life.'' I exhaled after my short speech. I was so angry. This was the most I've spoken to him directly in the last few months. 

'I'm sorry for putting-'

'Have you slept with her? I interjected. Since he was so glad about being open, I was brave enough to ask some more questions but terrified about his responses at the same time. 'Do you love her? Actually, do you still love her? Did you think about her when you were with me-'

'No!' Zaid looked angry, his face fiery red. He looked a little thrown off.

'No to what, answer me properly. since I now know. Let us break it down. Do you still love her?' Silence.

'I'll take that as a yes. Next questions,' and with great difficulty I spat out the words, 'Have you slept with her?' If this was a yes, I would scarch his hazel eyes out and then...'While we're at that, have you slept with any other women besides me?'

Horror flickered on his face. Outside the sky was dark and heavy rain pelted the windows. Talk about pathetic fallacy.

'No!' Relief washed over me. But I wasn't s done yet.

'Not one single woman?' I raised my eyebrows accusingly just to make sure.

'No, I swear.  I do have some fear of Allah you know.' He wasn't lying. I could tell when he lied and when he was telling the truth and thank god he was telling the truth. Then why did he continue to see her behind my back? I'm bet he kissed her, properly and not half-heartedly like he did with me. I know they were half-hearted because in the first two months of our marriage he acted like a true husband and was a different man, the sweet, romantic and funny man I fell in love with. He wasn't the same man anymore. Nonetheless, she wasn't his wife and kissing her was equal to adultery in my eyes. I forced the images out of my head.

'I think our Q&A session is now over. I've got work to do, so please get out.'  I turned my back on him and got to folding the laundry. He left without a word. Damn I should have told him that I knew. I knew his dirty secret. 

It would have really astounded him. However, I had missed the chance, or should I still. Too late. The front door slammed shut. Probably to go and tell the home wrecker. Painfully, It was obvious he had never wanted this marriage: he had never wanted me...

Happy 2014!!!! New year, new me.! Blah I say this every year lol. But to name one of my resolutions is: To stop leaving my homework till last minute.  Let me know what your main new year's resolutions are. Thank you for reading. please don't forget to show your support by voting or commenting. xx