Good Girl Gone To Fall In Love (BOOK 3)

Chapter 8

And that's how my days went. Woke up with him next to me, we kiss, we get ready for our day, and we head off our separate ways to class only to meet up at Surfing and lunch. (Where he sits with the populars and even in Surfing class I'm not his partner so I barely talk to him).

At first I was fine with our routine. I mean, he'd often come and watch an episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and we'd do our homework; or rather I worked while he either sat there smirking at me and leaning in for a kiss, or he sat at the bay window, staring outside or at something in the room probably contemplating life.

But now? I don't approve. I want something permanent. Not something where someone will get sick of me and leave, again. And it sucks even more when Vivian asks me "what we are." Like I'm in tilted to know. And I don't want to ask him what we are since he might come to think I'm desperate and make the situation awkward.

Nate and I still go on the occasional dinner dates. I don't know if it hurts Alec or not because he doesn't talk about it (nor do I). But I can sense his discomfort when I come back and Nate kisses me on the cheek.

Many people would say I'm cheating on Alec with Nate or the other way around but I'd beg to differ. Alec and I don't have a title, nor do Nate and I. Kisses and dates are just fundements to a greater picture. But the picture hasn't been captured yet with either of us. No picture has been captured of me and Nate, or me and Alec. Metaphorically speaking.

Metaphors. John Green. The Fault In Our Stars. Reading about Gus and Hazel's love story for about the millionth time sounds like a good thing to clense my mind from the worries.

Worrying is just a side effect to dying right?

I got the book, sat down at my bay window, and proceeded to read.

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I was just at the point where Gus said "Maybe Okay will be our always," and of course Justin had to come to mind.

"Maybe forever will be our always,"

Unneeded thoughts fill my head all the time. I have more guy trouble than Taylor Swift. I put the book down, unable to finish with Justin still in my head.

He was my first kiss. The kiss I was saving for someone special. My knight in shinning armour! And he doesn't even care! That's what kills me the most. The people we love the most, hurts us the most.

And yes, I admit it, I loved Justin.

It hurts to think back at the times we had and where I thought we'd be together for real; but I was wrong. I always am. I love the wrong people.

Someone knocked on my door but I didn't bother getting up and opening it. I just stayed in my seat, and starred out the window with Justin still flooding my head.

I hate him. I admit I was playing hard to get, but I fell hard. I went straight to hell and back. And just when I thought the Gods were on my side and were helping me get back up to Earth, I was pulled back in with him.

Someone tapped my shoulder and broke me from my thoughts about hell. Unfortunately, Justin still lingered through my head.

"Hey," I said softly to Alec.

"Pepper, why are you crying?" he asked wiping away the single teardrop.

"It's nothing," I said looking away from his gaze.

"Nothing means something," he said.

"Some things are meant to be left unsaid," I said.

"You can tell me," he said.

"There's too many things," I sighed.

"Tell me one of them," he said.

The thing about telling him one thing, will lead to all things. If I tell him about my thoughts of Justin, he'll ask how I came to think of him. Then I have to tell him I was reading my favorite book ever to clense my mind and then he will ask why I needed to clense my mind. Of course I wouldn't have to tell him it was to clense my mind but I didn't want to lie. And one thing will lead to another and I will end up telling him about my issue with us. Nonetheless I told him, "I was thinking about Justin."

"Justin?" he questioned.

"A jerk from back home," I said looking back into his eyes.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

So things didn't go as planned. Now I regretted not telling him about the issue I had with us. I don't want to tell him about my past, he might think I'm fragile; more than I already am. Not to mention the fact that I'll have to tell him that I have trusts issues.

"It's just, me and my twin brother-"

"You have a twin?"

"Yes his name is Michael. We had a bad relationship and his friends picked on me and such. I fell for one of them cause I thought he'd change-"

"You mean Justin. You fell for Justin," Alec confirmed.

"Well yes. But as always, I was just a bet, a prize, an object to be broken," I said.

"I have a feeling you aren't telling me the whole story," he said.

"And I have a feeling you know me more than I thought you would," I stated.

"Come on Pepper, what's really bugging you other than Justin," he said. Even though he was changing the topic off of my past, I could tell he wanted to know more.

I sighed and looked away from his eyes.

"I want to know what we are." I said.