Psych Ward (Peterick)

Chapter 39

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It wont ever be okay.

I wont be okay.

I will never be normal.

It will never be quiet.

I won't ever stop

I cant go on.

These thoughts. Every second of the day. So true, so harsh.

It will never stop. I know this. I've been here a long time. Been here a long time, holding onto hope. Holding onto that little beam of light in all of the blackness. But when all the light is gone, then on what should I hold on.

I've hurt so many people but the one I regret the most is You. You are special. You are the first person I really loved. The first person who gave me that light. The first person I really wanted to fight for.

But I only hurt you, and I cant do that anymore. I cannot hurt you. I won't.

Everyone loves to say that there is something to live for. That there is sonething to fight for. And thats true. I have something to live and fight for and thats You. But if I do that, the pain and suffering wont stop. It will go on and on and I wont stop hurting, I wont stop hurting and I wont stop hurting others.

I've fought my battle and I really tried but I've grown tired. This constant battle in my mind. Between me and Vaughn. Between me and my thoughts. Between the light and darkness.

I'm going to be with Mom and Dad and that's alright. I've missed them. I've missed them a lot.

It is okay Pete. You will find someone. Someone you will fight for. Someone you will love and someone who will love you with all their might.

Dear Pete, Thank you for showing me light in the Darkness. Thanks for showing me what love feels and looks like. I am forever gratefull.

I love you!

Lots of Love,

Patrick

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*Pete's POV*

This was the note I picked up after the nurses came running in after I found Patrick on his bathroom floor in his little room. He collected his pills and overdosed.

Am I angry? Is the question I get asked the most. And the answer is no. No I am not angry. It would be selfish of me if I made him live. He suffered, every minute of everyday for years and years. He was in pain and I couldnt take that away.

Am I sad. Yes. Yes I am sad. I miss him. I miss his scent. His voice. His touch. I miss our hugs.

Am I happy. Yes. Yes I am. He has peace now. He is up there. High up in the sky with his loved ones. High up there with no battles to fight. He's in peace and thats all I wanted for him.

I will meet him again. I'm sure of that. I will meet him in another life. And he's not gone completely.

He's still here. Here in my heart and mind. My memories of him will keep him alive. Alive in me and I'm content with that.

Thank you for listening.

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Stacey cried as we layed some beautiful white roses on his casket. His funeral was the most peacefull funeral I've ever witnessed. There werent a lot of people. Just the ones who cared about him. It was quiet. There was peace. Something Patrick could only wish for. The sun was slowly dissapearing as pink clouds appeared. In the background you could here Joe play the guitar. Something which Patrick always loved. It was okay the way it was. There was peace.

Something Patrick always wished for.

The end!

Wow Hey! First of all I am sorry for the abrupt end but I didnt want this story to be something that could last forever. I felt like writing this and it just happened. Thank you all for sticking with me and this story. This story did a lot for me. Thank you for all your support and I hope you enjoyed it!.

PS. I am not justifying or promoting suicide. I know what its like to feel suicidal and feel like there is nothing left to live for. But I promise there is. There is always something to live for. There are always people who love you and care about you and it will get better.

'Before it gets better the darkness gets bigger'

This sentence keeps me going. This sentence keeps me fighting.

I've been there and I've almost died a couple of times. I may not see the light now but I know it will appear again one day. I have hope and I wish all of you who share this feeling can have hope to.

Know that you are not alone. You dont have to fight your battle alone. There are always people who will fight with you. If you dont have help yet please seek help. I dont know which country you are from but there are always help lines who can and will talk to you.

I've called the suicide line a couple of times now and it really helped. Please dont be afraid to seek help cause it's out there. Please dont hide your problems. Convide in someone you trust!

You are not alone!

Much love,

Melanie ♡