Paper thin // Joe Sugg au

*10*

I sat in my car; the radio was on full blast; traffic ruled the road. My fingers were tapping the wheel through anxiety. Joe didn't seem okay. He seemed... far away. He didn't seem to be thinking about something positive. I mean, we were passing the hospital; Zoe was there due to the accident. But he didn't want to admit that he was upset. If it was to do with Zoe he would have told me. I know he would. I think. I hope.

The traffic moved on and soon enough I was onto a clear road, heading to Joe's.

He had moved house about a month ago after living with his flatmate, Caspar Lee, for a while. The apartment was nice according to Zoe. I hadn't ever been there but i'd seen photos and, obviously, videos from youtube. Now I was to go to his knew place.

I pulled up, parked and left my car. I entered the block of flats and went to find Joe's apartment.

Joe was already there; I'd gone back to mine first to drop things off. He had been waiting for me, obviously, as he answered extremely quickly.

My eyes settled on the apartment. It was nice, roomy. There were things leant up on walls that still needed putting up but I figured they weren't ready themselves.

"It's nice" I say, looking around.

"Yeah, i really liked it. It's kinda lonely sometimes though. I'm still getting used to not having a flatmate" He laughed breathily.

"Don't all the boys visit often?" I question, looking over at a sofa and signalling the question of "can I sit down?"

"Go ahead. Yeah, they visit a lot. To be honest, if we do see each other then i'm more over there with them. I mean, they do all live together. It's just a bit, I don't know, boring? There's no Caspar to play pranks on or p.iss off. It can get really quiet too"

"You're left with your thoughts" I muttered, slipping into a daydream about how lonely my place is, too. I hadn't lived with anyone for a while. I was always left with my thoughts. No one was there to drag me away from them, no one was there to walk in on me and ask me if I was okay. Being left alone with your thoughts wasn't always the worst thing, it depends what mood you're in. But, it always leads away from the positive, getting darker and darker until you pull yourself away. The silence let me slip away. I did it often - too often. Silence let me slip into dark thoughts. Mainly about my mother. That's what I was thinking about. My mum was still ill, so very ill. It is terminal, I'm pretty sure. I don't want to see her go, I don't want to let her slip away. Not with everything else. She's under intensive care at home. I should visit her more often but i'm just so busy with everything. No one really knows except from zoe, joe and a few of mum's friends. It would get too much if people knew. We started planning her funeral once, she didn't want us to. She said "No, I don't want that. I don't deserve that kind of ending". I knew she was lying. She just didn't want a big fuss, a big ending to her life. She knew it'd make it harder for us. She deserves the whole world...

"Mils? Are you okay? You spaced out" Joe had placed his hand on my shoulder and was gently shaking it. "You're crying, Milly, are you alright? God, course you aren't! What were thinking about?" He was generally concerned.

"It's fine I-I was just... just th-thinking about..." I cut when I saw his look. The look of pure sympathy. He knew.

That was another thing that hadn't changed; he would always 'read my mind'. It was weird but we were used to it. We'd be able to finish each other's sentences even if they were the most random sentences you could think of. I guess that's why, at the time, we looked like such good friends.

"Come on Mills, let's watch a film. You can choose!" And so, with a smile brighter than a christmas tree, we picked out a film and got comfy on the sofa.

A/n- It's been some time since i uploaded but school's a bore and keeps giving me endless amounts if homework. This is the only week where i've got most of it done and out if the way so i though i'd come and get part 10 finished. It is a bit shorter than the rest so i hope it's alright :)