Hunger and Highs (BEING REWRITTEN)

Nineteen- Somebody Better

People still read this?

Probably the last chapter here
Oh and triggers beware
~Tyler~

It had been a long day. I had a test in nearly every class today, I've been avoiding Troye with every fiber of my being, and sleep is not something I get a lot of. I don't get a lot of sleep because of Josh, meaning that I am always texting him or talking to him on the phone. I couldn't comprehend what was going on hardly anymore if Josh wasn't there.

Josh was my best friend, and I felt a little more than that towards him. He meant so fucking much to me and I hated that. I hated that I had never even noticed him until I seen him practically committing suicide through drugs and alcohol. I hated that I got close to him, and then I just abandoned him. I hated that it took my 'falling in love' with Troye to figure out that I really actually loved Josh.

But he meant the world to me. He was actually the one that pushed me to help myself, not Troye. It was funny, how Troye used makeup to cover his bruise, and I was so happy that he was going back to Australia in a few weeks. I didn't like having to walk a different way home just so that I didn't run into him. I wasn't scared, no that wasn't it. I was embarrassed more than anything.

God I was so ashamed of myself in so many ways, everything that I'd done in the past few months alone was horrible. I was horrible, and yet people still stood by me, they kept me alive when I was killing my self. People who actually love me, people who seen something in me that had to have been at least decent. They wanted to fix me, even the ones who were broken themselves.

Selfless people helping the most selfish of them all, is what I'd like to call my life story. I think back to the time I'd seen Josh sitting in that alley, the time I actually noticed that people struggled with stuff like that. He had a legitimate reason for trying to numb himself, and what did I have? A severe case of self hatred? A dream for self destruction? Yeah, probably, but then again didn't he have that too? Sure I didn't lose my brother and sister and it be my fault but it still caused him to hate himself.

I didn't know how to help him, I didn't know how to make him know and understand that it wasn't his fault that someone else came into his lane and killed that many people. How do you make someone believe that it wasn't their fault? Simple, you don't. They have to figure it out on their own-

Knock. Knock. Knock.

I groaned and rolled off of my bed. I didn't know who could be here since no one else was home at the moment. I took my time walking down stairs and then to the door, hoping that they would go away, but to my disappointment they just knocked harder.

As soon as I unlocked the door and turned the doorknob, the person pushed it open and walked in. "Come on in, then." I said as I glared at them.

"Oh please, Tyler, you and I both know that you wouldn't have let me in if you'd seen me standing there." Troye said with a roll of his eyes.

"With good reason." I replied. "Now what do you want?" I asked irritably. He looked me up and down, making me incredibly uncomfortable.

"You know what I want, and that's exactly what you've been depriving me of." He stated lowly, making me bite my lip nervously. I wasn't sure what he meant, but I had a feeling that it wasn't good. He got closer to me and I tried back up but found myself cornered against the wall. He had me trapped as he looked at me with dark eyes that seemed out of place on him.

"Troye-"

"Shut up!" He yelled. "I don't want to hear another word from you, you piece of shit. You have no right to talk to me. After what you've done, you are lucky I haven't beat the shit out of you." He seethed and I took a shaky breath.