Hunger and Highs (BEING REWRITTEN)

Seventeen- Heh

I'm back? Idk it's been like a day
//unedited\\
~Tyler~

"I really appreciate you letting me keep my drums here." Josh said as he observed the little setup we had going with his drum set in my basement that we never used for anything.

"Of course, it's not a big deal. It's sound proof too so if you ever want to come practice or anything." I informed and he nodded. There was a short moment of awkward silence and I didn't really know what to say after that. I shifted my weight a bit, waiting for him to say something.

"I hope you know that I haven't done drugs since I met you." Josh said after a moment. "It wasn't easy but I did it. And now I can't even stand the thought of it, I hate it with a burning passion for some reason." He admitted and I felt a huge wave of relief wash over me. I walked over to him and just hugged him and he wasted no time in wrapping his arms tightly around me as well.

"Thank you." I said against his shoulder. I'd missed him. I missed the way his hair was slightly fluffy everyday because he was too lazy to fix it. I missed the way his eyes would crinkle up when he laughed or grimaced or did anything. I missed the way he would make rude comments and snap at me because I wasn't used to that. I was used to getting whatever and never having anyone tell me I couldn't, until he came along. He put me in my place, he made me realize that people actually struggled with drugs and family problems and that not everything was sunshine and butterflies. But I'd forgotten about that with Troye.

"I'm sorry I didn't fix you." He whispered quietly and it almost felt as if my heart cracked right there with what he said. "I'm glad you're happy now, though. I'm glad Troye makes you happy." He told me, but that was when I was hit with the sudden realization of something; was I really happy with him? We just went through the motions, hug, kiss once or twice, hold hands on the couch, hug, and leave. We never really put effort into anything, we never showed any true emotions. We never did any couple things like go out on sappy dates and have midnight drives to nowhere. I felt more like a good friend to him more then anything.

Of course at that moment, with Josh's scent filling up my nose, his warmth radiating off onto mine, the insane amount of safety that I felt with him made me wish that Troye and I were only good friends. It would have made this feel less wrong, less betraying, less real. If it hadn't been for Troye, I wouldn't have anything to compare this feeling to. It hit me like a fucking truck when Josh did in fact point out that I wasn't in love with Troye. Rather I was in love with someone else. But right now all that mattered was Josh. The perfect boy, the perfect human, the perfect laugh and voice and everything that was him.

He'd been through his own trials, he'd overcome them like I had mine. He was strong, he was smart, he was sexy as hell but that was incredibly irrelevant. The embrace seemed to last forever to anyone else around but to me it was like two seconds before Josh's hands found their way to the back of my thighs and I squeaked when he lifted me up and wrapped my legs around his waist. My grip around his neck tightened for dear life because even though I trusted him I did not want to fall. His hands stayed comfortably and agonizingly against the backs of my thighs as he carried me up the stairs easily.

He set me down gently on my couch and then sat himself next to me. I leaned over onto him and my head rested on his shoulder comfortably, as if his shoulder was made for my head. His warmth gave me a sense of security and stability. He made me feel like my world wasn't about to fall apart at the seams no matter how fucked up it was. I knew I was pushing it when I interlocked our fingers together in a more than platonic way. His hand fit perfectly with mine, and it was almost as if he relaxed into the touch.

I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to have Josh to myself all the time, and be able to curl up next to him with our hands holding onto each other gently yet with a grip that said we never wanted to let go. I never wanted to, but then there was that little feeling of guilt pooling up in the bottom of my stomach. Was this considered cheating if it wasn't necessarily intended for that reason? Was it considered cheating if I hadn't realized just how much Josh meant to me until this very fucking moment when he was so close and I could just feel his heart. It was thundering so loud, so fast, so beautifully.

I could have cried right then and there when I realized that he was nervous. Did he get butterflies in his stomach when we were close too? Had he always done that? Did he do that because he liked me, or was it because he was scared? Not scared of me, that was impossible. He could have been scared of what he could do to me if he wasn't careful, he was walking on a bed of nails in his head. But I wasn't like that.

"Tyler?!" The door burst open and I was glad that it hadn't been locked for the sake of the lock even if someone had just busted into my house uninvited. "Ty, you'll never guess what just happened!" Brendon showed up in the doorway of the living room where Josh and I were practically cuddling, but he didn't see that because he and I moved away from each other faster than Brendon opened his eye from blinking.

"The fact that my supposedly best friend shows up here before he even texts me once in two months." Josh mumbles from next to me and Brendon's face contorts into one of guilt.

"Dude I feel like shit for that, but right now you'll never guess!" Brendon was smiling so widely I thought his face would split in two. "Okay so we were walking through the mall, right? Okay and Dallon here- Dallon get the fuck in here!- he just so happens to spot Troye so he was just like, lets go say hi since we haven't talked to him or Tyler in a while and then- this is where it gets dirty- we see Troye is with another guy! And they're holding hands so Dallon gets pissed. And it takes a lot for him to get mad, you know that, and to make it worse Troye and that guy kiss so Dallon gave Troye a nice little bruise on his jaw." Brendon finished and I wondered if he ever had time to breathe during the whole thing. Josh was practically seething.

"And the weirdest part, was that the other guys name was Tyler too." Dallon said once he finally walked in from my kitchen with a soda in his hand. There was a small bruise on his knuckles and I snorted. "What?"

"I can't believe you got mad enough to punch someone." I said with an amused expression.

"I did it for you, you dickweed." He said while throwing a pillow playfully at me in which I caught and threw it back at him. "But yeah, next time you see him he'll be sporting a lot of makeup or a large discoloration of skin." He informed and I chuckled.

"Dude, he cheated on you. Are you not like, upset? I thought you were in love with him or some shit." Brendon said and I shrugged while leaning into Josh again.

"I don't really care, I don't think. We don't really have a relationship anyway. We're more like friends than anything." I informed and he just looked at me.

"So all that gushing over him and you ignoring me and those two assholes for three months was for nothing." Dallon asked, making both Josh and Brendon glare at him but he didn't even acknowledge it. "So no marriage?"

"No, I'm not going to marry him." I said and they all let out a breath of air and I rolled my eyes. "I'll just marry Josh and he'll have my babies." I joked and Josh blushed a shade of red darker than his hair.

"Oh my god, Tyler. Why?" He asked as he hid his face in his hands and us other three laughed. The other two were still laughing when Josh leaned down to my ear with a smirk. "It would be you have my babies, by the way." He whispered deeply and I didn't think my face would ever cool down with how fast it heated up. But his smile was worth it.

I don't know what I'm doing with life anymore

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