Let's set fire to the rain

Just more questions.

Sucking in a breath I mentally steeled myself before I began to read. 

June 24th 2014. 

I haven't written in a journal in forever. I think I dropped it at 14. Because Kyle made fun of me saying it was for girls. I'm surprised he didn't make fun of me sooner. But then Kyle was more supportive or at least didn't care before he met Dillion. I never liked him. I don't understand to this day what a 16 year old was doing hanging out with a barely 14 year old. He got Kyle and sometimes Bobby and even jeje in trouble. I think for all of five minutes jeje thought she was in love with Dillion. Thank God she snapped out of that. They all did when he was arrested a year and a half later for having drugs in his car. I'd never been so glad to see Someone go. Of course he got out 7 months later when he turned 18 but he moved to Michigan apparently. None of us were really sad at the prospect of never seeing him again.  Anyways ..... The reason for picking up a stupid notebook to pour out my stupid feeling once again at the so mature age of 18? Well my healthy as a horse father had a stroke four days ago and fell like a tree in the back yard. He was 43..... There was no warning or symptoms. How was this possible? He's had a checkup not even six months ago! Those doctors must have missed something. I mean there's got to be an explanation to this right? Today was a perfect day. Sunny, warm, nice breeze, birds chirping. Perfect day for a funeral right? I mean don't get me wrong I didn't expect rain to pour down making everyone huddle under umbrellas still soaked despite their efforts and more miserable then that already were. But would it have killed the birds to be silent for one day?! Or the the sky to have had the decency to be a little cloudy? The weather had no respect for the dead. Phoenix stood beside me the whole day. She never let go of my hand. She cried and held onto me as if it was her own father being lowered into the ground. I guess in a way it was. She barely remembered her own father. Dad had stepped into to fill that void when needed. I think I'd have fallen  apart right them if she hadn't been holding onto me.  Moms a mess Phoenix is numb and me? I don't know what I am right now. I feel off balance. Ready to explode.

I closed the book and set it on the nightstand. I sat staring at the wall unsure what to do. I guess I should have started near the end if I really wanted to know what was going on right now but... For some reason I felt compelled to start at the beginning. Had the road that led him to drugs started the day his father died? Remembering that day brought tears to my eyes and made my stomach hurt. I curled up in a ball on my bed. Clutching a pillow to my body I sobbed for Hanini, for his father that had held me when I had nightmares of my parents. Years after the accident , making him the closest thing I had to a father. and for myself, Missing them both.

~ meanwhile ~
Hanini's pov

I arrived home pretty late. I'd taken my sweet time walking back. I didn't want to walk through that garage. Still I hope mom hadn't worried. It didn't matter I was 20 and a grown man. She'd still worry. That was just a mother. The pain hit me once more as I walked through the door. I didn't bother to turn on a light. That would only make it worse. I'd rather trip over the debris.  I didn't understand why someone would do this. Every time I thought about it a weird pain would rip though my skull before settling in the back of my head as a sharp throb. I walked up the stairs to my little apartment as quietly as possible. Reaching the top it struck me who had probably done it. What had I done to him now? Hadn't he taken enough from me? What part of my soul would he want next? Feeling bone weary I got out the box with my secret stash. my body felt like it was made of led. Slowly I rolled up a joint before lighting it. It would have to do for tonight. I was running low.

Sorry for short chapter. And for it not being quite what you wanted? Expected? Maybe I'm mean but I intend to draw out the whole journal thing. So you'll have to be patient :)