Let's set fire to the rain

Aftershock

Pound, pound, pound. What is that? Oh my head hurts! "Phoenix! It's time to get up we'll be late for church!" Ugh!... "Phoenix!" I crawled out of bed nearly falling. Stoping a minute I tried to convince my heavy limbs to work. "Aunt sue! I don't think I can go to church today." "Girl I know your upset but that's exactly why you need to be in church today." "Sue I don't feel so good" I whimpered. Sue walked into the bedroom and looked at me. "What do you mean?" My heads pounding and my body feels like lead. I just feel awful. "Hm" she hummed in response. Finally she sighed " I know your not lying and to be honest its to be expected this is more than just a break up for you. I don't know if it's the right decision but get some rest I'll be back around lunchtime to make you something to eat. I'll pray for you." "Thank you sue" I love you". "Love you too". With a final look she closed the door and left for church. Moaning I collapsed back in bed, my mind to tired to even go over the events of the past day.  " Phoenix, wake up sweetie." "Hm?"  "It's 1:45 you want something to eat?  "Mm I don't know..." " it'll help you feel better. Come on, why don't you take a shower then you can have something to eat. You don't have to eat it all". "Ok" I mumbled trying to keep my eyes open. " you want help to the bathroom?"  She was just trying to make sure I didn't go back to sleep. I sure felt like I could. "Sure". Removing the covers aunt sue helped me sit up and stand. I was still unsteady and lightheaded. She helped me to the bathroom and then brought me some clothes. " don't get the water to hot. You might get more dizzy in your condition." With that she left to go make lunch. I felt bad honestly. Sunday was her one day off and she was having to take care of me. I usually tried to pamper her on Sunday but it just wasn't happening today. Sighing I got in the shower feeling the lukewarm spray on my skin. It actually did help relive some of the pressure in my head at least, but I was still tired and weak. In addition to just not wanting to think or feel. Getting dressed I headed to the kitchen. "Come sit I made you tomato soup and grilled cheese". "With shredded cheese and salt and pepper?" I asked hopefully. "Of course". "Thanks sue" I said kissing her on the cheek. She made my feel better meal. One of the only things I'd eat when I didn't feel good. "You know me to well". I only ate half my food when I declared myself done. "Thanks sue for the meal I think I'm going to  maybe sit outside and get some air." Alright baby, I think I'll go to the grocery store and when I get back we can watch a movie?" "That sounds great" I was lying and she probably knew that but she was trying to help me feel better. After she left I simply sat on the stairs. "Were did I go wrong? Was there a better way I could've handled it?  How can I help him if he doesn't even want me around? Did he mean what he said?  Could he really not stand me? Tears began to fill my eyes. Rubbing them away roughly I stood up a little to quickly. I'd done enough crying lately. I decided to numb my brain with music. Sitting in my favorite old beat up recliner i put my headphones in. I turned on my favorite playlist which turned out to be a mistake. The first song was set fire to the rain by Adele. That was our song. Because I was fire and he was rain. We were opposites but connected like magnets. Our favorite songs were set fire to the rain and singing in the rain. He'd start singing them in my ear when I was upset or mad at him. It made it impossible to stay mad. It vexed me but it was what made me love him.... Dang it I couldn't do this. Yanking out the ear buds I sat and stared at the wall blankly willing my mind to be silent. Aunt sue came back ten minutes later with several sacks of groceries. Getting up I helped her put the groceries away. "If you'd called I would have helped put them away" I murmured. "There weren't that many". I didn't argue but usually I did. I didn't like her over working herself. "Now then what movie  would you like to watch?" She hummed overly cheery. "I don't really care you pick". Her mask twitched before cheerfully replying "alright". Walking briskly to the living room ( which took her all of three seconds) she began shuffling through the movies. I followed her more slowly before sitting back in my comfy chair. It felt as if it was swallowing  me whole tonight.  Placing the movie in the dvr she then sat in her own recliner. I zoned out during the commercials but  tuned back in when the movie started. She's selected "facing the Giants." I immediately got the message sue was trying to give me. With Gods help I could face my impossible Giants. It was a good movie but I felt like I was rebelling against the message. I know you can face these obstacles Lord , but I don't know if I can. After the movie aunt sue made meatloaf and carrots for dinner, But I couldn't bring  myself to eat much more than the carrots. "I think I'm going to bed" I said standing up. "You sure? It's only eight". "Yeah I'm just tired. " "alright" she said reluctantly. Upon entering my room the first thing I saw was the chest id taken from hanini's. Walking over to it I ran my hand over it feeling the smooth wood. They did a good job. Curiously I opened the doors and found some of his best art supplies. Or his most prized ones. Like the ones his parents had given him when he was starting out. That's one thing I'd admired about his parents. They'd always supported his artistic endeavors. Opening up one of the drawers I found pictures of him, his family, his friends , and a lot of him and I. I looked through them emotional. He looked so happy. If he despised me like he'd said then he deserved an academy award for best acting. Setting them down I opened the other drawer finding a small leather bound book. Opening it up to the first page I realized what it was. Hanini's journal.