Let's set fire to the rain

Am i that blind?

I woke up, my head feeling like lead. Ugh got to get to work.... Groggily I swung my legs over the bed only to Yelp wide awake a minute later. I retracted my leg suddenly very aware of my throbbing ankle. Oh yeah  I hurt it the other day. On the way to the tree house.... Memories from yesterday passed through my mind like a cruel joke. He'd seemed so ... Normal. Why'd he have to play tricks on me and get me all confused? Just when I thought I knew exactly what to do he'd show up and have me all turned around. It was enough to make me scream. Usually when I felt like that I'd dance and after my accident I settled for going to the gym. Ugh! I couldn't even go there because I was a careless fool and injured my ankle again. I flopped down on the bed screaming in frustration. There was nothing I hated more than being an invalid forced to lay in bed and do nothing but read or watch tv. I couldn't stand sitting still. I moaned at the injustice of life knotting my hands in my hair. "You look like a pathetic puppy." I sat up startled. A smirking Hanini stood in front of me. He turned his head to the side looking at me strange. "Or maybe a deranged cat. A long haired cat at that." What was he talking about? I ran my hand through my hair nervously. Or tried to. I was quickly met with a very large knot. "Agh! " I hid my face in the pillows in embarrassment. I could hear him laugh at me.  How dare he get so much enjoyment out of my situation? "What are you doing here so early! And in my room before I'm even dressed?!" I snapped irritably. "It's 11:30 AM and it's fun to see you get so flustered." We've been through this,  it's early for me until after noon and if you don't get out of my room in five seconds your gonna die!"  He held his hands up in surrender chuckling. "Alright alright I'll be back in a few minutes to help you take care of that rats nest on top of your head". He raced out of the room barely escaping the book id thrown at his retreating back.  Ugh that man. Balancing on one leg I picked out random clothes and hobbled to the bathroom to change. I made the mistake of glancing in the mirror. Agh!!! My hair was worse than I could have imagined. It was like an angry red animal had rooster on top of my head. Why me!? This was never going to come out. It took longer than usual to change but I managed to do it on my own. Score! I sat on the bed already feeling drained. Now to tame the monster. I felt the bed dip behind me before I could even raise the brush.  "I told you to let me" he clucked at me like a mother hen. "Your not supposed to know how to handle my hair better than me" I mumbled. "Mm I learned years ago. It was to painful watching you torture yourself. You were always to rough. Always yanking it through impatiently. But then that's how you are with everything in life" he said softly. "Hey I've gotten better" I said indignantly. "Not with your hair"  he said laughing. "Why are you so mean to me?" I said giving him a pouty face. "Don't look at me like that!" He grinned down at me. I loved that smile. I missed it when it disappeared. It was like taking my sunshine away. "Now be good and let me work" he said kissing me before  repositioning my head. "No promises" I chirped. I head him sigh mockingly behind me. " what am I going to do with you?" "Love me!" I squealed throwing my arms in the air. He grabbed my hands wrapping them around my waist. "Do you want an animal to continue to live on your head?" He murmured into my neck. "Hm not really" "then let me work" he said kissing my sweet spot before removing his arms. "Your evil" I pouted. "Mm". He sprayed something onto his hands before running them through my hair. "What's that?" "Conditioner". "Where'd you get it from? I don't have spray conditioner." " I brought it with me". "Why do you have it? Do you use it?" "No. I have it for you." "Why do you have leave in conditioner solely for me? how'd you know you'd need it this morning?" " I started carrying it with me about a year and a half ago because I do your hair almost as often as you do. I learned that if you put the conditioner in first it's easier to comb it afterwards. That way you don't need a pair of pliers just to get the knots out." "Hey" I said weakly. "That's all my dear Phoenix has to say?" He hummed in my ear. "I can't believe I didn't notice...." "Ehh you never paid  attention to small details" he said running the brush through my hair gently. Obviously I hadn't paid attention to a lot of things lately. Was I so self absorbed I hadn't noticed the warning signs that Hanini needed help? Had I been so blind to him and the little details that he had to turn to drugs instead of me?
Later that night after Hanini had left I pulled out his journal. I expected to find evidence of my neglect. He wouldn't tell me to my face but he'd probably write it down. I mean a guy was more likely to rant then write out his feelings right?

July 1st. 2014
I haven't wanted to get out of bed let alone the house after my fathers funeral. Phoenix has been by every day but she only laid on the bed beside me and wrapped her arms around me. Even in my depressed state Id been kinda surprised. She's always been bold but we'd never been this Physically close? I guess is how I want to phrase that. Leave it to Phoenix to throw status quo out the window along with what people would think. Regardless of how it would affect her she'd always be there in any way I needed her. And right then I guess I needed her to hug me and keep me together. I felt like if I moved my broken pieces would fall all over the floor for mother to clean up. I couldn't do that to her. She shouldn't be cleaning up after me anymore. It was time for me to step up and take care of her but how could I do that if I fell into a million pieces as soon as I stood up?  I can hear Phoenix down stairs. All I want to do right now is hold her warm body close. I don't know if that's wrong of me to want that but it soothes me somewhat.

I'd found the exact opposite of what I expected to find. Back then I wasn't sure if holding him was a good idea. He didn't push me away but he never spoke or even looked at me. I'd worried not of what others would think of me then but what he would think of me. I had no idea if he was mad at me for touching him or if he even knew I was there. I'm glad that then at least I had been able to give him some comfort. I didn't seem able to help that much now. I was at a loss of what to do. Was it still partly my fault that he'd lost himself?