Fantasies 2

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Reed.

"Word of the day is Extract. It means to remove or take out." Ross says as we write down the word and definition.

"Today we are going to remove whatever pain you've gone through. Starting with the root of where it began." We all nod as she looks around at all of us. Today is our first session and I'm a little nervous. We have to talk about our past today and my nerves are on flips. I haven't talked about this to any one about my first problem. I believe that's why I'm stuck where I'm at. I won't express that time in my life. I always put the blame on one thing, but not the real cause. My parents and I have had our days, but it's deeper than it appears.

I've held in long enough and I think it's time to speak my life, let it unfold. I might feel better after saying what I need to. The room is in dead silence, no one making eye contact. I'm guessing everyone is afraid of letting go. I'm tired of holding it in, holding on to it period. Ross tells us to close our books and stand to our feet. She tells us to close our eyes and we do as told, taking deep breaths in and deep breaths out.

"Now while meditating. I want you to think about that time in your life where your problem first started." Ross says. I envision the place, hearing the screaming and arguing. My hands becoming sweaty, stomach churning.

"I want you to think of the person, the place and the words that were distributed between you and that person." I begin to twitch, hearing the voices.

"Sean stop! Please." I sobbed as the grip became tighter around my neck.

"You think I'm stupid! Huh!?" He exclaimed while jerking me side to side. I shook my head no.

"There's only one way you getting out of this relationship Deanda. One." He whispered in my ear coldly.

"I want you to think of the emotions." Ross says. I could see the anger in his eyes, but I could feel my heart race in fear.

"Take the time to think of the pain and anger. If you have to scream it out. Let it go." Ross says. I shake my head hearing the glass break and the screams fill the air. The gunshots and the blood splatter everywhere. I fall to the floor, holding my stomach. Ross rubbing my back telling me it's ok.

"It's ok Deanda, let it out and speak your truth." She encourages.

"He shot me." I whisper in sobs, laying my forehead on the floor. I scream in terror, putting pressure on the wound. 

"Why Deanda? Why did he shoot you?" Ross questions. I cry hysterically, feeling my hand drench from the blood.

"Come on Deanda, stop holding back." Ross tells me, rubbing my arm.

"It hurts." I mumble, sitting up.

"Ok Deanda, breathe. I need you to talk to me. What happened?" I flutter my eyes open seeing all eyes on me. Sniffing I turn to Ross who helps me up and sits me down the couch. Debra passes me a couple tissues and I thanks her, wiping the tears that fell.

"I was in an abusive relationship from the ages 15 to 16. His name was Sean and he was a drug dealer. I was the cliche good girl who basically fell in love with the cliche bad boy type. I was the good girl that went to school, did my work and ace my test. While he skipped school and sold drugs. His parents had abandoned him and left him with his older brother to take care of him. Sean was already angry and upset about a lot. He was mad that his parents wanted to nothing do with him, so he turned to the streets for comfort. How we met was through an altercation. This guy that I went to school with, would call behind everyday. Told me I was pretty, asked if he could walk me home but I never gave him the time of day. I guess it upset him, because one day he just had enough. He asked for my number and I told him no. He grabbed me and we began arguing in front of an abandoned house. The guy had called me a bitch and that's when Sean came to my rescue I guess you can say." I sniff and shake my head.