Forbidden 2

Chapter 37

As soon as I heard our front door close I sat up in bed. I know I need to call a therapist. I don't really know one. I grabbed my phone, googling to find one in town. I don't really want to drive too far for this. I do need to find ways to cope with my past. Maybe this will makes things better on me to just get it all out. I called one with a good rating. She quickly got me in and accepts our insurance which is good. I'm not sure if we could afford it since we're looking at houses tomorrow and we have this baby on the way. We haven't even bought anything yet. We have so much to do. I'm sure we'll get it done.

It didn't take me very long to get there. I'm ready for this. I want to be a better person for Harry and our baby. I don't want them having to live with me past. I should have thought about all this before Harry and I started trying. Well I guess I didn't really think there was anything wrong with me before. It was the other day that made me realize.

I walked inside and didn't see anyone in the waiting room. She quickly called me back. I sat on the smaller couch while she sat in a chair. I stayed quiet as she pulled out a notebook with a pen. She asked, "What made you want to come here?"

"I've just had a lot happen in my past and I feel like it may affect my relationship now and I don't want it to affect our baby. I want to be better for them."

She nodded, "That's good. You have to want to do this for yourself or this isn't going to go anywhere. How was your childhood?"

I started messing with my hands, "It was okay I guess."

"What do you mean?"

"My parents gave me everything I needed. My dad worked all the time. He was always at one of his businesses so I hardly saw him."

"What about your mom?"

I'm really not sure why she's asking about this. I don't really think this has too much to do with anything. I know most of this has to do with Adam. I'm sure we'll eventually get there. I shrugged, "She was around a little more than my dad. She didn't really care too much. Well at least it felt like it."

"Why was that?"

"She was always worried about her friends and making sure everything was perfect. She always wanted to keep her image. It felt like I could never make her happy."

"Why did you think that?"

"She always wanted to change things that I did. My grades in school were never good enough. The clothes I liked were never good enough. She always made me be around her friends almost like she wanted me to be like them."

"Did it get worse?"

I nodded, "Once I was a teenager. Basically once I was old enough she basically made me date this guy named Adam. He was her best friends son."

"How did she make you?"

"She bothered me about it for months till I gave in. I thought it would finally make her happy."

"You were unhappy about it?"

I nodded, "I didn't like him. There was just something that always felt off about him."

"How was the beginning of your relationship with him?"

"It was okay. He was kind of a jerk at first but I didn't really care too much about it then."

"How was a rude?"

"He called me fat and ugly a lot."

She nodded, "Why didn't you just break up?"

"I knew it would upset my mom. I still lived at home then."

"Did it get any worse than that?"

I just nodded. I know I'm going to have to talk about the things he did to me. I need to get it all out. I want to be better. I want to move on from it all. I know I can't completely do that till I tell her and figure out ways to get over it. She asked, "When did things start getting worse with him?"