Forbidden 2

Chapter 45

It feels weird being in this house. I know I'm going to get used to it. It's just that we were just living in that other house since we got together. I know I just need to be used to this house. I guess I just don't know what could happen in a few days. I guess not knowing scares me. The closer it all gets, the more it bothers me. Mainly because I feel like it's my fault. I know Harry has told me so many times that it's not. I can't help but feel that way. If I could switch places with him then I would. He doesn't deserve any of this.

I rolled over to find him still sleeping. He looks so peaceful. I don't want to bother him. He deserves it. He had to move a lot of our things yesterday. I wish he would have let me help more. I feel bad about it. I'm pregnant not sick. I softly kissed his nose before moving out of bed. I should at least start unpacking some more of our things. I started to last night. I walked out of our room then downstairs, into the living room. I grabbed a box, starting to unpack it. I can't help but think about all the other things that we have such little time to get done. I really want to start on the nursery. We haven't really talked about it though. We haven't even talked about baby names either. I know he wants a boy. I know we'll both be happy either way though. We still need to figure everything out though. I want him involved in these decisions. We did make this baby together. I know he wants to be involved too.

If things don't go well on Wednesday I don't know how I'm going to be. I'll have to get everything done by myself. I really don't know if I'll be able to handle that. I love him and I want him around for it all. I know that he wants to be around for it all too. I don't want him to have to miss that. I'm a mess without him. We've never really gone without being around each other. I don't want to be without him. He's my best friend and the love of my life. He should get to stay around for everything. I couldn't help it as I felt my eyes start to water. I hate thinking about all this. I can't help it. This all could really happen. That kind of terrifies me. I can't help but start crying worse that I was. I can't do this all by myself. I kind of have no idea what I'm doing. I've never really been around babies before. Well except for a few of my mom's friend's kids but it wasn't really a lot. I need Harry around for all this. We need to learn all this together. I hid my face in my hands as I continued to cry. I just want everything to be okay. I hate knowing that there's a huge chance that it won't. We could have avoided all this if it wasn't for me. I have such a shitty past and now it's messing with Harry and I. He deserves someone who doesn't have such a terrible past. Someone that won't possibly send him to prison over it. I just want to make it all up to him. I just don't think there's a way for me to. I could have just ruined so much for him. I would leave if he wanted me to. I don't want him to feel like he has to stay. I wouldn't hold it against him. I wouldn't ask anything from him. My thoughts were interrupted him him wrapping his arms around me. He kissed my cheek, "Come here, love."

He pulled me over so I was in his lap with his arms wrapped around me. I leaned my head into his chest. I can't help but keep crying. I feel terrible about everything. He really doesn't deserve this. He's turned into such a great man. He's done so much for me. He's done so much more than I've ever asked him for. He kissed my head, leaning his against mine as I started to calm down. I know he's confused right now. Once I was finally calmed down I looked up at him. He softly pecked my lips, "Are you alright now,?"

"I don't know. I'm scared about Wednesday. It could change so much for us. We still have so much we have to get ready for our baby and I'll have to do that by myself. I really don't know how I'll do it all."

He tighten his arms around me, "It will be fine, love. I'll have you two taken care of. I don't want you to have to worry about that. "

"You should be around for all this, babe."

"I know. I may be able to. It all depends on the judge."

I leaned back into him, "I was you around for everything. You don't deserve any of this."