Dinner was nice, but not because of Die. He didn't say a single thing to me. He has three older brothers and they were really friendly to me, just as his mom. It felt like they considered me as a part of the family or something. They laughed with me, and not because of me, and they were just really open to me. They also made me forget my concerns and worries for a moment and for just a second they took my mind of my brother and this whole project, even though I'm in the middle of it. I avoided looking to Die, because all he can do today is glare. It makes me feel bad, more bad then I already felt.
Now we're back in his room amd we have to do do the questions from the task. 'Just say something about yourself.' he says. 'Okay, well... my favourite colours are red and black, I don't sport, I play drums, I...' 'You play drums?! Seriously? You've got to be kidding me! You actually need strength for it, you know!' he laughs sarcastically. Wow. The first thing he said to me, which wasn't neccesary. And it kinda hurts. I sigh. 'You go on.' I whisper, looking to the ground. I hear a tinyvoice in my head. Now don't get offended by this Shinya, he will do this lot more these days, you better get used to it. 'Favourite colour red, sport is basketball, play the guitar, like drawing... Yeah, that's it. Now I'm gonna sleep.' He says. He lies in his bed and turns his back to me. I put my stuff away and lay on the bed on the ground. 'Good night.' I say. No answer. I lay awake for about 15 minutes. Die is sleeping, I can tell from his steady breathing. No, Shinya, don't think about cutting now, you can't do that here! Go count all songs you know, or something. I say to myself. I need to get my mind off everything. I want to hurt myself so bad right now. No, I won't! Okay, think about songs, think about your new drumpart and play it in your head. I dig my nails in my arm. A tear slips from my eye. Why does this have to happen to me?! Being on the same school with Die is already hard. I can't just live in his house and sleep in his room! More tears escape. My body is shaking. I can't stand this anymore. I grap my razor from my stuff, yes I brought it along, and walk to the bathroom. I have to be quick. I can't wake anybody up. I place the blade on my arm and push it through my skin. Finally I feel peace come over me. After a few cuts I clean my arm and go back to Die's room. Then I realise what I just did. I sigh. I'm sorry, guitarhero. I really am. What the hell was I thinking?! What if someone came in?! What if he came in? He would have bullied me so much more. I'm so stupid! Stupid! stupid! stupid! My thoughts decrease as sleep takes over.
