Killafornia

XX.

Killafornia 

<>Three Months Later<> 

Vanity 

Sitting on the regal dark cherry wood framed white cushion couch, my leg was crossed over the other and my hands intertwined with each other as they rested on my lap. They anchored the end of my dress down so when the breeze from the fan blew it wouldn't make the dress fly up. Looking down. my protruding stomach was the first thing I saw and it made me crack a small smile. No matter how upset I could be or on the verge of breaking down, taking a look at the one person who could never be disappointed in me no matter what I did, just left a smile behind and a warm feeling in my heart. 

I sat alone in the room, looking around I never realized just how bland this room was. Dark gray walls and stainless white carpet, it almost reminded me of the questioning room I was in prior to all this. On her desk was a picture of her, her husband and two year old son. I had met him one time during a session. Her husband wanted to bring her lunch and surprised her with her son as well. I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish for CJ to do that to me at one point in the future but I'm not holding onto that since that's part of my fantasy as he would call it. 

The door opened just enough for her to slide in. The black pantsuit and light pink shirt underneath the blazer looked nice on her. She wasn't petite by no means and over the months I noticed her gaining some weight, not that it was a bad thing by any means because I personally thought she looked better with a fuller face and then a fuller figure to match. Her hair was now cut into a bob which fell around her face evenly, slick cat eye glasses that sat on the bridge of her nose, she came over and gave me a warm hug. 

"Hi Vanity, how are you? You look so great." She spoke as she took her seat. "Sorry for being late, my car was having trouble starting but thankfully my husband got it t work." She was never stressed or worried, just humble.

"Hi and it's more than okay. I understand how life happens and thank you." 

"So how have you been? It's been two months since our last session and we let off on a not so good note about CJ that you had mentioned. I want to know how that's affected you and your relationship." Her yellow notepad right back on her lap like always and a pen in her hand that showed she was ready to take her notes. 

"He and I barely talk since then. We do talk but it's not like how we used it, I don't want to open up to him about anything anymore." 

"Why is that?" 

"Because I don't want him throwing it back in my face like he did in the incident that I mentioned. I know he's got a lot on his shoulders but I wasn't happy to hear he went off to his business partner's place in San Diego to go do drugs. He harped on me for taking those pills and when I got on him for the weed, he exploded back with the things I trusted him with.There was no need to have brought it to that level and since then I just choose not to share anything with him." I still hear those words ringing in the back of my head, no one wants to hear something like that. Yes he's right about it all so it's not like he made up anything but at the same time that was the stuff I was avoiding. That day I should have gone to Rack City's and got pills, popped them right in front of CJ and make him watch me overdose but instead I went over to Jordan's and hung out there.

"That's understandable that you'd close yourself off from him. In a way you could look at this as a positive outlet because now you're not choosing to be dependent on him like you were in the beginning. Yes what he said was harsh but at the same time it was what pushed you off of him and now you're needing to do things on your own. Does that make sense?" I nodded. "Instead of looking at this as something negative, take what he said and set those as goals to overcome. You've already overcome your addiction to those pills by checking yourself into an institute and getting help. The next thing to work on would be your confidence so you're not so scared to face the world alone." She said in her sweet natured tone.