Killafornia

XXIX.

Killafornia

Vanity 

"So how have you been lately? It's been a decent amount time since I last saw you and I'd love to know how your pregnancy is going first and foremost." She said as she set her clipboard down on her lap. Her grey pencil skirt just behind her knee as her leg was crossed over the other. She brought her dark eye up from the sheet in front of her and looked directly into my eyes, bringing a sense of comfort. 

"It's going fine, just been trying to keep the stress levels down as low as possible but with the way situations popped up, it's been a struggle." This time CJ was in the room with me, specifically on the couch holding my hand but I didn't feel like I could be completely open with my therapist while he was there in the room too. I'm just scared if I open up about an issue he'll throw it back at my face later on down the line again, like in our past argument. 

"Do you find CJ's support helping with keeping the stress down?" I nodded. "Well that's wonderful to hear and I'm glad you're stepping up to support her, CJ." She said shifting her eyes over to him briefly, to which he gave a simple nod. "With the current case going on, how's that made you feel? I'm sure you've got some kind of sense of relief that Marquis is locked up and under tight watch, right?" 

"It has." She eyed me in an unusual way, looking between CJ and I, marking something down on her paper. 

"CJ, could I ask you to leave the room for a few minutes? I have some questions I want to ask Vanity."

"Of course." Letting go of my hand, he stood up and casually walked out. Looking back over at her, she had a smile to her face. 

"You're more reserved, that's new. So what's really going on? You know you can tell me anything and what we discuss remains in this room and between you and I only." 

"There are just some things that I feel like I can't discuss with CJ. The way he is, he's quick tempered and loses his patience with people just as quick so I don't want to make him mad with something-"

"I'm gonna cut you off right there." She said. "You told me you two are in an official relationship and now bringing in a child together, correct?" I nodded. "You have have every right to share what's going on with you, since he's your partner he is supposed to be a person that you should feel like you can share your problems or concerns with. Bottling it all up is only going to do more damage than good because you'll be left with the burden of the issues on your shoulders and he'll be frustrated not knowing why you're so upset." 

"I see but you remember what happened when I told you about our last argument." 

"And did it not open your eyes to some things? Hearing your issues from a loved one made you want to change correct? The manor it was done in was not the greatest but it helped you grow. Communication is big in any relationship, Vanity. For your homework, I want you to start really speaking your mind. CJ mentioned to me how you were when you first met and sure you have scars from life but what really happened to that Vanity that would snap at CJ while she sat at her desk in the back of the room?" She's long gone... and I didn't want her to leave. 

"I understand what you're saying and I appreciate your words. You're right, I should be able to openly talk to him and I'm gonna start to."

"If he gets mad at you or lashes out, just get up and walk away from him. Let him handle things his way and when he calms down, return back and discuss it. Okay hun?" She said and I just nodded my head in response. 

***

"Sounds good." I said before removing the small rectangular white pillow from my lap, I set it neatly back on the couch. "Thank you so much, I know I'm probably making little to no progress but being able to talk to you has been a big help." Walking over to her, I pulled her in for a warm hug that she more than willingly returned back.