The pressure of not knowing

George

''you have to come!? '' Eli is begging me to join her for Friday night at campus. I didn't really know what to say. She had been pleading me the whole lunch break, and followed me all the way home to keep pleading me. Granted George drove both of us to my house. So right now all three of us is in my kitchen. Eli pleading me to come with her. George casually leaning on the kitchen counter next to the sink. Me just sitting here thinking, my mind spinning on the thoughts of whether or not to go. I try to turn off Elis speaking in my head focusing on my own thoughts. I think of how I kind of want to go and the fact that I'm 18 but feel like I'm 12 because last time I walked these ground I was. My eyes fly around the room looking at everything desperately looking for anything to give me an answer. My eyes land on something blue. It's not the blue I used to see it's darker, just a shade. If I didn't know better I would say it looked animalistic. Another kind of sound waves hit my eardrums as the blue focused on my green and something underneath them. I looked down on what was moving. His lips, they looked soft but firm.

I tuned back in on what was being said in the room. ''Lil you in? '' Eli asked again. ''in on what? '' Eli chuckled. ''I will go with you I don't drink and I'll park nearby so if anything happens I'll be right beside you in a sec. '' George said, and I turned my gaze to him. ''So you in? '' Eli repeated, looking at me with a look meant to make me feel bad for saying no. so guess what '' I'm in. '' I smiled. Eli squeaked and jumped around the island I was sitting at and hugging me full power. I smiled. George would be there to protect me and when had Eli ever brought me into any danger. George stood up. Clearing his throat. '' well then Eli unless you're staying here for the night we need to go now. You'll see each other tomorrow. '' George said firmly. Immediately my face turned sad. I didn't like being alone and I had no idea when my parent would be home. I had no idea how to make dinner. ''Take me with you? '' it was merely a whisper coming out of my mind.

This got Georges attention. Worry rose in his eyes as he looked at my sad face. '' is something wrong? '' he asked me. I looked at him, and then at Eli and back at George. I shook my head. '' no. It's just... I don't like being here alone, and I have no clue of when my parent will be home. It'll get dark soon and I don't like the dark also I don't know how to cook and my stomach Is craving food. '' I fiddled with my fingers looking down at them. I heard a hard breath being inhaled and even harder exhaled. ''you can come with us if you think your parents won't mind. We'll leave a note asking them to call you once they have arrived home and then I'll drive you home. I do have my duties to see too tough but I think we can make do.

45 minutes late here I am. Their house and my next to me waiting for my parents to call me. And so they do. ''Hello? '' I pick up the phone and look around the living room I am seated in as I wait for response. ''Hi honey. It's your mother. I just wanted to know if you could sleep at Elis tonight. Your father and I are quite busy with a project of his. To be honest I don't know what he needs my help for but he has insisted that I stayed. '' I listned to what she said as I looked for Eli wanting to ask her first. I couldn't find Eli anywhere. She wasn't in the kitchen or in her room. I didn't know where else to look so I went back to the living room before answering my mother. '' well the scene is that I'm in fact already their house. I'm sure it won't be much trouble for me to sleep here. I'll call you if it isn't possible for me to sleep here. I'll see you tomorrow. '' My mother said her goodbyes and hung up the phone. And yet again I began my search for Eli.

******

I couldn't find her anywhere I think I looked in every room in this huge mansion. I almost got lost twice. I walked by a huge oak door, I hadn't looked in there yet. I lightly knocked on the door before opening it. I was expecting for it to just be another empty room in the huge mansion of a house. But no, in the middle of the room was George sat behind a huge desk messaging his temples announcing that he was thinking about a problem. '' knock knock. '' I joked, but I don't think he found it funny. ''WHAT? '' his voiced boomed through the room making me jump a bit. It almost sounded like a growl. '' well... well never mind. '' I was about to exit the door as a pair of strong arms grabbed my waist and held me back. '' I'm sorry. '' He turned me around. Hugging me and placing his jaw on top of my head. I hugged him back. Leaning into him. '' what was it you wanted to say to me? '' he leaned back but only enough for him to look at me without breaking the embrace. ''uhm... I wanted to ask if it was okay for me to stay the night here? My mother called and she said that she doesn't know when she'll be home. She asked me if I could stay here. '' I looked into Georges eyes with hope that he'd let me stay. He looked at me. Thinking. ''well Eli is out and will not be home before Friday morning, I thought she had taken you with her. But I guess you can stay with me if you want to. '' I looked at him for a second not really knowing what to say. Something deep inside me told me it's was oaky to say yes. So I nodded. '' I would like that. '' I smiled at him. I thought saying yes to this would feel odd to me but it felt completely normal and safe. ''I have a couple of things I need to finish up here first but how about you sit down for a few minutes and then we'll go get some dinner in the kitchen? '' I nodded and drew myself back from his embrace to sit down. Suddenly feeling colder than before.

I sat down on a couch planted to the side of the room. I looked at George. What was he doing? I wondered. He looks like he is thinking hard. '' You look like you're thinking too hard. Can I help? '' I began walking towards him. He looked at me from his chair wondering whether or not I could actually help him. I reach around his desk leaning on his shoulders lightly before he spoke. ''I need to arrange a ceremony for one of my members, I had it all under control until the band cancelled and the location got double booked. So now I have everything expect the band but nowhere to put it all and this ceremony is supposed to be next week. '' I looked over his screen where a word document of the arrangements were pulled up. I remembered one day at lunch overhearing Benjamin talking about a band might be his band. But what about the location. I looked out the window. Of course. '' why don't you just rent a tent and put up a pavilion in your garden. The tent for the band and the pavilion for the ceremony itself. Also you can keep the pavilion it would look so perfect out there. '' I pointed to a spot in his garden right beside the pond you could see from his office window. He looked at where I pointed. '' And for the band you could ask Benjamin he was talking about a band at school the day. I think it might be his own band but I don't know. '' I was still leaning on his shoulders. He however had turned his head so he could look at me. His eyes widened as I spoke. Our eyes connected and I saw something in his eyes that I hadn't seen before. And I couldn't point my finger at was it was. ''you're a genius. '' He whispered and then turned his head to the screen writing down what I suggested. I smiled feeling like I had just done the good deed of the day. I rose from his shoulders walking towards the door '' thanks, I think you owe me dinner now. '' I looked back at a chuckling George. He shook his head. Smiling. He rose from his chair and walked passed me through the door. I stood there looking at him. '' well are you coming then? '' he said humor in his voice. I walked towards him and we entered the kitchen together. I sat at the island watching as he started to cook for me. When he was done he gave me a plateful and sat down across me and we both dug in. I couldn't help but moan as the delicious food filled my mouth. He laughed at me. '' you really like food don't you? '' I nodded. ''Well it's been six years since I got real food. So I guess I am. Also homemade food is the best. '' I kept eating. George looked at me weirdly, I didn't like it. I felt so small under his gaze. '' six years? How? '' He asked and I mentally punched myself for mentioning it. I nodded. ''it's a long story, can we speak about it another time? I don't feel like talking about it. How about watching a movie though I bet you make mean popcorn. '' I smiled at him begging him with my eyes to let it slide for now. Everything felt so right in being with him but I don't think I trust him enough yet to tell him this. Not that there is much to tell but it's hurting me to talk about what I don't remember. I guess you can call it the pressure of not knowing. Thankfully, he didn't say anything and collected our plates putting them in the dish washer. I watched as he made the popcorn I had requested, the silence was killing me - so I decided to speak. ''what do you want to watch? '' I asked. I had no idea about what movies where out nowadays. The last movie I remember seeing was one with Barbie turning into a mermaid. '' I'll watch whatever you want to watch. '' he turned and smiled at me, the smile not quite reaching his eyes as before. He placed the bowl of popcorn in front of me. We walked towards the living room and I sat on the couch. '' I want to watch the best movie you have. And only you can decide that so you pick one. '' I grinned at him and he laughed. ''aren't you clever. '' he said walking to what I assumed was a DVD cabinet. He picked one out and before I could see what it was he had already put it in. he was collecting the remotes for the TV and the DVD.

Settling down beside me he played the movie. We both munched away on the popcorn until there were no more ant the bowl was sat empty ay the coffee table. I leaned against George feeling tired all of a sudden. The movie was about a girl and a boy stranding on an island at a young age. I didn't get to analyze more of the movie, because before I knew it the world turned black and I was asleep.

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Dedicated to Carlijn because she makes my day so much better <3