The pressure of not knowing

College

I woke up entirely by myself today and had no bad dreams. I was about to get up and put on some clothes when I remembered I did not really have any. I had borrowed my mother's pajamas the day before. I decide to just walk downstairs in the pajamas.

While walking down the stairs my chest starts to hurt. I try to put a hand over where it hurts. My hand meet something soft and wobbly. I look down. I have grown boobs? Well no wonder I hurts. I hold my breast carefully until I reach the end of the staircase. I meet my mom in the kitchen '' good morning. Mom? '' I ask. She turns her attention towards me. ''good morning. What is it? '' she ask me concern on her face. I look down myself. '' what am I wearing today? I mean I know we are going shopping but I need to wear clothes to get out of the house otherwise, I will look weird. Also, can we get anything so that these does not hurt as much when I move? '' I grab my breast to show her what these are. She just break out laughing. '' of cause we can darling. '' She walks into her room and comes out with a dress for me to wear during the day. ''The dress will be great for when you need to try out clothes because it is easy to get on and off, And as far as those go. '' she points at my breast and giggles. '' we will go to the bra store as our first shop. However, before any of this happens. I want you to come eat your breakfast. I made pancakes. '' she smiles at me, and point at a stack of pancakes on the kitchen counter. I smile and gladly dig into the delicious pancakes.

****

After I put the clothes on that, my mother handed me we drive to a huge mall nearby our house. I swear it had grown since I saw it last.

We find a parking space and now we are right here in the bra store. I think it is called Victoria secret. It is very pink in here. I like pink. We roam different sizes and different kinds of bras but I tell my mom that I do not really find them comfortable. She nods understandingly and we go further into the mall to another underwear store Honkemöller I think it is a Danish store maybe German. Either way we come across something called Calvin Klein. I think the underwear looks good. I point at it, showing my mom I like it. She smiles slightly. ''I like it. It would look good on you but considering that you are you, I do not think we should get you, the thongs maybe the normal panties will be better. '' I smile and nod at my mother. We ask a sales assistant what size she thought would be good for me. She eyed me down, and smiled happily at me. ''I think a size E would fit her breast nicely. However, it also is my job to suggest that you by something that can better hold the girls in their place if you know what I mean. You can have this piece of underwear but wearing this every day will make your back hurt eventually. '' I looked at the nice woman and then at my mother. There is silence for a few seconds. ''if you want I can show you some classy yet sexy but also very helpful models. I think you would like them. '' I nod at her, smiling. We look for bras and panties for another half an hour and I end up getting ten pairs of underwear. All matching.

We move on and buy tons of clothes. T-shirts, dresses, pants, shorts, long sleeved shirts, jackets, shoes and a couple of bags. Then when we are done, the clock is 3pm and my stomach is growling, LOUDLY. My mother laughs at me and we find a place to eat. I eat a chicken and bacon sandwich and my mother eats a salad. I am happy about all the things that we bought. We keep looking at boutiques and we buy me some make up just in case I want to experiment with it. We also buy some jewelry. Mostly cheap flashy once but my mother gives me a silver necklace that looks like a big circle with small circles around it. While we are in the store, we buy matching earrings. When we finally came home, we brought back pizza because it got late and expensive.

*****

I wake up at my mother's voice. ''rise and shine sweetie.'' She smiles at me and help me pick out the perfect outfit for today. I eat my breakfast and my mother drops me of at school, and points me to the front office so I can get my schedule. I can see in my mother's eyes, she wants to be by my side all day but one, she has her job to attend. Second, she knows I am 18 and it is uncool to have ones mother with you on your first school day. Well all the other kids started a month ago.

A lot of the others stare at me wherever I go. I look down to the floor as I go. When I reach the office, a smiling woman meets me. I tell her my name and she greats me, handing over my schedule. I walk out of the office looking around trying to find where my first class is. I end up getting lost and I choose to sit down on the floor. Head between my legs I hear someone walking closer to me. I look up. It is a beautiful girl my age. She has honey golden brown skin from spending time at the beach this summer. Her eyes are hazel and she is wearing a nice sun yellow dress. ''hey, you must be the new girl right? I am Elizabeth. Eli for short. '' she smiles at me and extends her hand to help me get up. ''Lily'' I smile. ''What are you doing here Lily? '' she asks me. ''well I got my schedule but classes had already started so no one had the time to show me to class so I kind of got lost and that puts me here. '' I smile awkwardly looking at her mesmerizing eyes. I wish my eyes were hazel brown. ''Let me see your schedule.'' I hand her my schedule and she looks at it, a smile creeping on her face. ''I am actually on my way to your class right now. I will take you there. Stick to me grasshopper and you will be the bomb digity in no time. '' she promises me. We link our arms and walk to class.

We reach lunch and I sit with Eli. I thought it would be just us but suddenly three boys sit down next to us. All of them complaining about how much she should have been some place I do not know. They talk so fast none of them realizing that I was there. I laugh quietly at the boys in front of me. I look at them. One is blond and blue eyed. Very marked face and could probably be a supermodel if he wanted. All of them could. Another one was a lucky ginger. Red hair green eyes broad shoulders. The last one had dark brown hair almost black and grey eyes. He looked like a Greek god or something. I cannot follow their conversation. Therefore, I just sit there staring at them and watching them. Eli finally looks back and me, and her eyes widen. Like she just had an epiphany. She swat the boys on their arms and they all shut up and look at her me inclusive. ''people we have a woman present'' their attention to me. I smile awkwardly and wave at them shortly. ''hi, I am Lily'' I say, taking a sip of my water. Their eyes widen as they realize I am there. They are all awe struck. Eli sighs. ''Lily these goofballs are Benjamin, Aiden and Ethan but you can call them BAE for short because they are always together anyway. '' I laugh at this. Benjamin is apparently the blond Aiden is the ginger and Elijah has the grey eyes. They do not get to say much because the bell ring and we have to get to the next class. ''until next time I guess. '' I tell them and walk away smiling.

*****

The rest of the day goes by fast. Eli takes me home and claims that she is my sister from another mister and tells me to live by the girl code. Chicks before dicks. I laugh at this. I do some homework because I have to work hard. I lost six years of school god dammit. I eat, and I go to bed. Falling quickly into a deep slumber.

_________

Whaddup ma lovelies? how ya all doing?  Picture of Eli above

comments are appreciated deeply.

i really hope you like it.

until next time<3