After The Storm | Grey's Anatomy

// I. //

As doctors, we are prepared for anything. The rupture of Vena Cava, A tumor in the patient's brain, one or two broken spines (and sometimes even 6), burnt skins, and a stopping heartbeat. We see a wife becoming a widow and a child becoming an orphan everyday. We become the face that the family remember for the rest of their life. Whether we save or not save them. We are going to be the ones telling them the news. It could be one of the best, or the worse 5 minutes of their life. 

But when Derek died, I was not ready. 

Alex came out of the room. "I'm so sorry," I didn't cry. Not because i'm happy that my husband died. But it feels as if my husband, Derek is still in the OR. Taking out tumors. Or running tests. Or doing rounds. I don't know. I feel like Derek is only a floor above me. Or maybe in the cafeteria. I should check the cafetaria. 

"I'm," I pointed towards my left. "I'm going to the cafetaria. Do you want anything? What date is it today? Wait I think they serve the chicken salad we both like. I mean not you and me, but me and Derek. It's the only food we like here. I'm-okay Alex, you sure you don't want the salad?"

"Mer," He tried to reach for my arm but I walked to the cafeteria instead. 

As the elevator reached the 2nd floor, I stepped out and walked towards the cafeteria. Derek's probably in there. I might just imagined the whole car accident. It probably wasn't real, and Alex never called his death or anything. Why am I imagining things?

"Dr. Grey, here for the chicken salad?" No, i'm here because my husband is dead. 

"You know me so well. Do you-do you see Derek?" I was hopeful. No, desperate. I want her to tell me that she saw him. That Derek also ordered the same thing five minutes ago, and sat outside. His usual seat. 

"No, I didn't" 

I saw Alex on the other side of the cafeteria, sprinting towards me. His interns wasn't with him this time. Maybe he asked them to do charts all day, that's typical Alex. Once again I asked him,  "Do you see Derek?"

Just then, I saw Owen and the chief. They all approached me in slow strides. But Alex gripped my hands and took the chicken salad out of my hand. I saw everyone looking at this little episode we have. Sydney's face showed a pang of guilt. And sadness. "Mer, please"

Please what? 

Please hear me out, your husband is dead?

Please listen to me, your husband really is dead?

Please let me say this again ; your husband is dead?

Derek is dead

My ears were covered by the winds, and all I could see was Alex. Two Alex. Three Owen. And Two chief. Four Sydney.  "Derek is dead," When I said it out loud, it felt real. "Derek is dead" I repeated myself. This time, my voice was firmer and the pictures of us in a bar played in my head. Our first bottle of wine. The day we adopted our dog. The day we stepped in the dream house for the first time. 

"Mer, stay with me" But it was too late. The darkness have engulfed me, and that was the last thing I remembered.