After The Storm | Grey's Anatomy

// XII. //

It has been roughly two months since Derek died. When I picked up his flowers for the first time after the burial, I almost chose lilies. Lilies are the most commonly associated flowers for the dead, and I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with that, but Derek was not common. 

Derek was intelligent. He was driven, sincere, respectful, devoted and he was definitely a good husband. Even in our darkest times, through the fights and bad morning breath Derek was the only man I could ever count myself on. During emergency calls from the hospital and dying patients, he's still one damn good doctor. 

I always get him the darkest shade of roses.

When I see his grave, I could imagine Derek lying in the casket. The Derek Shepherd that worked alongside with Mark. The one that makes fun of Bailey when she dresses up for her date,

but not my Derek. My Derek would not even be in the middle of that crash. My Derek would not leave me so soon, but then again it wasn't his fault. It was no one's fault. 

Today is one of those days where everything is going in one big spiral. I just lost a patient, Alex is nowhere to be found, I broke one heel of my shoes, and the rain is just one big drama queen. The fact that I'm in Derek's grave with no umbrella is even more ridiculous.

"See, if only you didn't die..." I muttered and ran to my car.

***

What is this terrible smell.

You have got to be kidding me, is my house burning?

I was ready to call the fire department until I saw Amelia's troubled face with a spatula on her hand. The kitchen was a mess and I could see a dark smoke coming out of my oven. She was still trying to open the oven with my green oven mitts, "Crap" she muttered.

"Amelia?" 

She stood still and turned her back facing me, "God Meredith I'm so sorry I-"

The both of us worked together to cleaned up the mess that she made. I don't understand what she's trying to do, or if there's another dinner party she was planning. If that's the case and I'm not invited, again, that'd be just ironic. The whole dinner party suspicion could be true though. Considering that the food she's preparing could feed a whole damn village. 

When she left for the bathroom, I panicked and dialed Hunt. Well that after almost dialing Alex, but since we aren't on speaking terms...

He offered to come by since he's finished his shift an hour ago. 

"I was volunteering to pitch in for the intern mixers," I gave her a questioning look since she's the  chief of neuro. This is nothing she should be concerned about. "Yeah you must be wondering. Alex and the rest of the guys made this joke that since I'm basically new too, I should you know,"

The doorbell rung and I never been so grateful in my life. "Owen-" 

Wait, that's not Owen. That's..."Hi, Mer." 

"Over here!" Amelia hollered.

I got myself away from the stupid door and let him in. "You can put your coat...there." I face palmed myself after I uttered the sentence; the dude lived here for years! Of course he'd know where he should put the coat!

We stared at each other before Owen came in for the rescue. "Owen?" Alex asked.

"Karev," He said acknowledging Alex. "Mer, is anything wrong?"

 "N-not here." I guided him to the balcony so we could have some privacy. He was confused, and tired but after visiting Derek's grave I had to talk to someone. I excused myself to get the both of us some drinks, "Beer?" I offered.

"Sure."

I headed downstairs and got Owen a can of beer, only to see that the both of them had yet left. Alex and Amelia were laughing at their now coal black chicken, until they noticed my presence. "Don't stop on my account." I said in the most genuine way. 

I guess Amelia didn't see it that way, and lashed out at me. "Look, Meredith. I know that you are sad, and you're angry because you think I'm replacing him. Don't you know that I feel guilty too? Don't you know how painful it is to be referred to the other Shepherd?" I was ashamed that Alex had to witness all of this. 

"I know that you don't want me here, but I am just settling in. I am finally happy again. Don't take it away from me!" She is now in the verge of crying, but I can't fight with her right after I visited my dead husband's grave. I can't do this when my best friend who I haven't been talking with for days is standing a feet away. "Say something! You can give me the face but you can't talk to me? What are you? Six?!"

"Not today, Amelia." I ran back to the balcony with Owen's drink.

"I-is everything okay? I was about to head down?"

"No, Owen. Everything is not okay. One of my patient died, my husband is dead, and her step sister is replacing him and me. Alex is not talking to me, and apparently I'm a bad person for taking someone else's happiness!" I said in an exasperated sigh. "I'm not a whiner, Owen. you know I'm not! But today, today is just so overwhelming.

And after everything, it doesn't make sense that Alex is choosing Amelia over me! I know I sound like a kid right now but if Cristina was here-"

Owen smiled at the mention of Cristina, and so did I. "If she was here," I said in a calmer tone, "She'd hate Alex alongside with me. She'd badmouth him in front of me but secretly try to make things better by telling him how I feel. I'm always bad at expressing my feelings." I laughed.