Something I Can't Have (Seme Male Reader x Kakashi) {Naruto Shippuden}

chapter 51

1 month later...

shikamaru pov

i tried. i really, really tried but....i just couldn't help it. i just cant help but love him. he is such a good man. thoughtful and caring. takes care of me like no one's business. i swear he is like a child. just hands me flowers, all blushing and shit. i never knew he could be so thoughtful. is this really him when he isn't thinking about other people? cause i just cant help but think that he is still thinking about something else. its eating at my soul thinking that there is still something else in the back of his head just waiting for the opportunity to show itself. just thinking that there is still one person who could swoop in and take him from me and id be the one devastated. i didn't want to fall in love with him. not just yet. not until i know for sure, for a fact, that he is 100% m--" shika! what are ya thinking about that has you zoned out?" i shook my head out of my daze and looked at him. we are enjoying a day at cedar point to celebrate the end of the semester with the rest of the frat guys. we broke off into couples. me and john, hinata and Naruto, and shino and kiba. those last two look like they might break up at any minute now though. i had heard that shino had searched for a week before he could find kiba after he stormed off. eh....i don't care. i have a boyfriend so im all go--"babe....im worried. you keep looking at me with starry eyes and i don't know why," he said. "im sorry, its fine. just thinking about whats going on in my life and whats going on around me," i scratched my head nervously. "well you need to stop thinking about the others and focus on this face," he drew a circle around his own face. never ceases to get a chuckle out of me. "yeah, yeah," i mumbled. "are we riding the millennium force with kiba and shino? cause the four seat car is ready," he said. i nodded. we all walked over to get on the car. "can i sit next to john? i don't want shino to see me scared," kiba whispered into my ear. i shrugged. he eagerly got in the front of the car next to john while i got in the car next to shino. he looked at me then looked at kiba next to john before cursing under his breath. i made a mental note to see whats wrong between them soon. we were strapped in and the ride started.

later on that day...

shino pov

uugghh!! i fucking hate it when he doesn't pay attention to me. he is acting like im not even here, instead practically attached to john's hip all day. john don't seem to know what is going on with him, instead focusing on his own boyfriend shika, but im sure shika has noticed. meanwhile, im left at the booth all by my damn self. sure kiba is sitting next to me drinking but i may as well be by myself cause he is acting like i don't exist. Naruto and hinata went back to their room while shika and john disappeared into the crowd of dancing bodies. leaving just me and kiba alone for the last day of the trip. "kiba...what is going on between us? why have you been acting like we aren't dating this whole trip?" i looked at him. "cause we aren't," he grunted, taking a sip of his beer. "when did we stop dating? when did we break up?" i glared at him. he finished off his beer. "wasn't it obvious? two beds in our room, you moved into shika's room, we don't cuddle, rarely kiss, haven't had sex in like two months so why do you think we are still dating?" he looked at me. "i thought you just needed space or something. you have been tripping ever since shika and john fucked in shika's room that day. why wont you give me a chance, kiba? ive spent the last year yearning for our reunion and now that an ex of john's has finally made it possible, i want us to reconnect. i still love you, kiba. i love you sooo much it hurts. what can i do to make it up to you kiba?! what do i have to do to earn your love?" shit. i was fucking crying about this. im trying so hard to make myself worth leaving john for but he refuses to even give me the chance! he just shook his head slowly. "you keep trying to change me, shino and not for the better. you keep trying to turn me back into the kiba that you knew instead of embracing me as i am. im bigger, buffer, and stronger than i was back then. at first i was self conscious about it but being with john changed that. he loved me and how i was. a little too much if i don't say so myself. i can still feel the absence of him inside me. shino....you failed to love me for me. you want me to go back to the way i was so you would feel better. i feel good, shino. i feel damn good in the skin im in thanks to john. he never tried to change me to a more manageable size. he just got stronger so he can continue to take care of me. you keep trying to change me for you when he was changing himself for me. he saw me as a goal, a prize, whereas you saw me as the sophomore varsity running back i was back then. he fell in love with the present me when you fell in love with the past me. i swear seeing you that day at the coffee shop might have been the worst mistake of my life," he grunted. well damn. guess i didn't see it that way. looks like ive got some changing to do myself. "ill...ill change myself, kiba. i understand where you are coming from and....im sorry. everything you said was right and now that i think about it, i cant help but feel bad. i don't know how many times i called you fat and jiggly and insulted your physique when i myself have been slacking off. just you wait, kiba. ill come back a much better man than john ever could be," i said.