Perfect with You

Chapter 33 - Periphery of Realism

It was a funny look the hotel receptionist gave Max when he watched her walk out of the entrance, only wearing her pants and a blue bra. It was funny feeling that hit Max when the cold wind had skated over her torso. It was a funny thought that Max had when she thought about jumping out in front of a car.
Waddling away on the sidewalk in the middle of the night, she embraced the darkness, immensely glad that she could barely see anything, giving her a chance to collect her scattered thoughts.

I'm losing it. I fucked up. I'm losing it.

Aimless and with no destination, she began following the red dots in her vision that began taking shape whenever she blinked. Her heart was racing, not only sensing that something had clicked into the wrong place in her brain but physically feeling it was well. It was if wires had been ripped apart and then rearranged incorrectly, so every time a thought was to be created, the electricity never made a full circuit and therefore it shot around in her brain, bouncing off the walls, never ceasing, just sparking random nerve impulses. Feeling a cold wetness on her chin, unsure if it were tears or snot, Max shook her head to get it away, but still felt the fluid lashing onto her.

I said awful things... but she deserved it! I'm not a bad person, I'm not. I didn't mean for it to happen. I only had two seconds to think about it! How could I look at her and tell her that I would sacrifice her? But that's what she wanted! Not even Chloe is happy that I saved her! So what's the point? Did I do it for myself? Am I a bad person?!

When she heard a sound, a door closing, a motorcycle starting, she got blown out of her mind.

I'm in danger. Danger. Behind!

Max jolted her body to the side, nearly tripping over her own feet when she felt a cold piece of metal strike her naked back, but there was nothing. No one around. Paranoia had skipped the step of creeping in and had lashed onto the fast moving hysteria crippling her.

Fuck! I'm losing it. I fucked up. I'm losing it. I killed hundreds of people. I killed babies. I killed parents of those babies. I deserve this. I deserve worse than this. I deserve to die. Even Chloe agrees. I'm dangerous. I've caused so much pain, so why am I still a human?

She forcefully whipped her hand up to her face to remove the fluid on her chin, but as she began rubbing, it only seemed to spread on her face.

I need Mom! Where is she?!

She dragged her bare feet across the ground, the rugged pavement scratching the skin under her sensitive foot.

"MOM!" Max screamed as every nerve in her body broke, leather clinging to her skin as she curled her first and began running.

I lost her! Where did she go?!

While taking quick breaths, the cold hit her even harder in the momentum. She began looking from side to side in a fixed pattern, surrounded by streets signs, houses, a road with no cars, and a world without people.

There's something stuck in my teeth. Oh God, I can't get it out! I'll get an infection!

Stuck in something worse than a panic attack, something that triggered her insanity when her whole world felt unsteady, the ground underneath her unstable, and the open space closing in. She swung her head to the side and instantly stopped in her tracks. Behind a line of hedges to her right, she saw a light materialize from a window. A large house. A home.

"I'm here!" She gasped as she frantically looked at the ground.
"FUCK!" She spat out, kneeled down quickly to grab a small rock underneath the hedge, everything burning, everything freezing as she scratched the edge of the stone, pulled back her arm, and then hurled the stone towards the source of the light. In her disordered vision, she only managed to hit the side of the wall, but the sound the stone made hitting the bricks was enough for her twitch her shoulder in shock as she looked around once more to see if anyone had seen her despicable actions.