Perfect with You

Chapter 35 - It's Only Me

"Oh, I totally forgot to ask you. That shirt I saw you wearing a few days ago, with the salt shaker and a rose, is that from something?" Chloe shooed away the silence when she realized they were only a few blocks away from home.

"It's from an old movie" While Max did reply- and Chloe grateful that she did- it was with a heavy voice as if her words were buried underneath layers of thick mud and soil.

"Oh, awesome. It looked really interesting. What movie is it?" She knew how over-the-top nice she sounded, but seeing as the majority of the ride home had been filled with silence and far-away stares, the only thing she wanted was for Max to feel wanted.

A few slow seconds passed with the disconsolate girl having her head in her hand, dry blood on her lip that Chloe wanted to mention, but would prefer to ease into it.
"You don't know it, so it... it doesn't matter" Her voice sounded comically dry, but at the time, there was nothing funny about it. All her emotions had just disappeared.

"Oh, okay" Chloe responded dishearteningly as she looked around to find anything that could be a potential conversation topic. Unfortunately, the surrounding houses all looked the same and there was no red-nosed clown walking down the street. The only thing that caught her eye was the black scarf in the backseat, next to a purple purse. She had noticed it lying there, just injecting her with interest throughout, but hadn't felt confident enough to ask about it. With no straws left in her hand, she took a breath and moistened her mouth. However, just as she was about to question the appearance of it, Max cut in.

"It's Tiffany's purse. She forgot it when we dropped her off at the bus station" She answered the unspoken question without even moving her vacuous staring out the window.

"Damn, that's probably a big deal for a girl like her, right?" With a tiny crack in her voice, Chloe tapped her thumb on the steering wheel in some wanting attempt of causing a reaction.
"I'll call her" She held down a sigh, still uncertain whether or not Max was completely present.

The door creaked and the damned silence was about to walk right in again with its melancholy baggage, but this time, she wouldn't have it. She barricaded the door and spoke up.
"You know I love you, right? Everything I said back at the hotel, it wasn't fair. I shouldn't have yelled at you... I just thought... I know we've never established this, but you're my girlfriend. Or at least, I want you to be... so I needed to be honest with you, but somehow, amidst the words I meant to say, came some bullshit that coated every syllable with lies. I just wanted to come clean and go back to... holding your hand, feeling those tingling feelings when we're about to kiss, all that romantic shit I pretend to hate. I wanted it so desperately" She felt scared for saying such direct statements, but it was the sort of scared that only had an effect when it was rubbing against the surface, so when she slowed down the car to park at the outside of the snug house they lived in, she felt proud of herself for just saying it.

"I know you love me. I like holding your hand and kissing you as well, and I am your girlfriend, but that's not... it's not right" These uncertain words prompted Chloe to look over at her, but as she did, she saw her despondent face and flickering eyes as if she was thinking something through, recalling a moment and moving her lips to silently speak words of the past.
"Let's wait until were inside" So much breath she let out, so much lingering trepidation she created and shaped in the form of unwelcoming tribulation.

Her hand already reached for the handle when Chloe didn't even know what to take from her expression and disquieting words. The morning wind blew past her, then through her, icing her inside and besmirching her heart. She held her breath and looked in the backseat, seeing the black scarf lying lazily in the seat next to the lost purse and felt something else entirely, but before she let herself be overtaken by her emotions, she stretched her arm out, grabbed the scarf tightly, wrapped it around the purse and got out of the car. The air was sordid, the sky unclear.