Thoughts and Other Things

Real Talk: My Depression

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER COULD SLIGHTLY TRIGGER SOME PEOPLE SO IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THINGS DEALING WITH DEPRESSION PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER AND STAY SAFE

You know, sometimes I feel like people think my depression is fake. I feel like people who don't have it define "depression" as being suicidal or self harming. When in reality, sometimes it's just hating who you are and finding very little joy in the world.

I walk around every day with a mask on. A mask painted with a picture perfect smile and joyful laughs and a seemingly perfect life. Once the day ends, I go home, put my earbuds in, and rip the mask off. When that mask comes off, you see the real me. The broken girl who has found very little joy inside her mind in the past year and is drowning in her insecurities. On the outside, I look perfectly fine, but on the inside, I'm breaking like a piece of glass. My heart is in pieces, as is my self esteem, and my well being.

I don't want to kill myself. I don't want my life to end. I simply just wish the pain would end. I want it all to be washed away. I know I don't want to die. I don't wish to be laid in a casket at 14 years old. I want the pain to die. I want to fight it. If only I knew how.

I don't want to hurt myself either. Self harm doesn't appeal to me. I honestly don't have the courage to do that to myself anyways. But, I've just never had the urge to hurt myself. A few times maybe, but I never actually did it.

I feel like to other people, this makes my depression look staged. I would never stage anything like this. Depression is a serious thing that people all around the globe struggle with. Some more severe than others. But we all have one thing in common, as Tyler Joesph once said, we're broken people.

If you're reading this and you are harming yourself or you want to kill yourself, please don't. It's not worth it. You were put on this planet for a reason. It may not seem like it right now, but things can always get better. After all, the storm always comes before the rainbow, doesn't it?

*Please, please, please talk to me if you are suffering from really extreme depression. It's always good to talk to someone. I'll never turn you away and I'm here. Even if we've never talked before. I want to help. Because staying alive is worth it. I promise.*

Stay alive frens. It's worth it. |-/