Breakable Contents

C.

(it helps if you listen to I Miss You by Blink 182 while reading this, it's the song that reminds me of her the most.)

I wish I could say that I've completely moved you out of my head. But no, your brown eyes invade my privacy at 4am, your lazy smiles are still my midnight thoughts. When I see pictures of you, the lines of your hands seem to bleed into mine. Sometimes I think I've evicted you, that you've packed your boxes and moved out. But then, I see you sleeping on my couch, and I know that I've simply neglected to walk into that room in a while. I'll go and sit next to you, I'll watch your eye lids flutter, I'll cover you with a warmer blanket, it was summer last time I visited, but time has attempted to pass since then. Maybe you'd wake up, or maybe you wouldn't. But If you did, we'd tell stories about the water mark on the ceiling, how it's slowly growing across the aged drywall so it can meet the mark on the piano. We'd laugh about your mismatched socks and the fact that I always seem to borrow your t shirts. When the conversation breaks, and the silence pools between my knees, I'd ask when you'd plan on leaving. You'd look at me and your lips would curl up at the corner of your mouth out of sympathy because we both knew the answer to that. You'd kiss the space between my eyes and I'd walk out of the room, shutting the door behind me. I'd wander in and out of other rooms, don't think I haven't tried to find another place to stay. But they don't feel like home to me. I'll have all of the right intentions of asking you to leave, I'll have found a new room mate, gotten new furniture, redecorated, but when I open that door to the living room, and see you looking out the window or tracing our marks on the wall, I'll merely stumble into your cluttered arms. My mind is a mess, I tell you. I'm happy there, but I still want you to stay. "But love, you can't be in two places at once. And I'll always be the place you come home to, remember that."

I open my eyes and look around at my lonely room.  Your girlfriend is beautiful, they always are. They're also never me. But I'm always too far away, it'd be different if we were closer, you'd promise. However, I think there's always going to be someone more conveinent. A bottle that's closer to your finger tips.

The funny thing is, you come back to me to. You text me in the middle of the night or I cross your mind before she does. You have a room you've locked me in as well. Your house is bigger than mine, your better at asking me to go on vacation, but you always ask me to come back. Sometimes you get frustrated with yourself, and you lock your front door. But yet, in the darkness of empty moon light, and only the torches of your eyes to guide me down the maze of skyscrapers,

I will always find my way back to you, darling.

And you to me.

-Its_been_five_years_