Beautiful Mistakes Book 1 - Worst Night Mare

Worst Night Mare : Operation

Hey ok I know I said I was going to uploud yesterday but I want it to be prefect... =) and i hope it is as good as I think it.

Worst Night Mare : Operation 

I didn’t know why but when the doctor had said C-section, when we were back in the room I had been terrified, but also my mind had concentrated on other things then the operation itself, things which I would never hope would come true. But now the operation was starting, I was full on scared, it filled every fibre of my body, buzzing in every nerve. I watched as they brought the knife to the skin, I felt my breath hitch and I squeezed the hand which was holding mine, hoping that this wasn’t the end, hoping I would be able to feel this hand on my skin warm again. That the hand would hold our baby son or daughter, love it.

As the knife was dragged along the skin, sinking in enough for the operation to commence, blood over flooded running over the tanned skin, making a contrast bright red against light brown. I watched as the blood made a prefect line as it rolled down the skin and on to the white of the bed, spreading out making it seem more blood then there had been. Before a nurse jumped forward to whip it away allowing the surgeon to do their job.

The major part of the operation, actually getting baby out was over quickly, and the cries of the small new born baby filled the room. A smile spread across my face at the sound, my child was in the world. Breathing precise air which would, serve it for the rest of its life, what I hope it is going to be a wonderful life. The nurse brought it over to a side to measure and bath it. I was wishing hard that she would tell the sex of the baby. But she didn’t because Surgeons swarmed the bed again, trying to finish the operation has soon as possible, so that not any life would be lost.

I didn’t know what they were doing I had my eyes shut only concentrating on the hand which was holding mine. My life line, one of the two most important things to me. I didn’t think of how much I loved the person whose hand I was holding, I didn’t think of our baby the other side of the room. I didn’t think of myself, I thought of warmth of that hand, and a small smile came to my lips.

I could hear the surgeons talking around me, discussing the operation, as at school we discuss two pulse two. But they were professionals I trusted them completely. Oddly for how scared I still was my breathing was steady, I could feel my chest moving up and down, air building up and then evacuating my lungs. And it brought me comfort because I could also hear overs breathing around me, and more importantly the breaths of the person who was still clasping my hand for dear life which was in prefect sink with mine.

My mind wonder as the surgeons worked, imagining the future that I had already thought of many times before. And another stupid smile spread across my face, I could help but think the people around me must have thought I lost it, smiling in the middle of a life and death operation. But any thought of me the love of my life and our baby together both are families surrounding us brought a grin to my face. A squeeze from the hand grounded me once more, and I could hear that the voice round me had become more louder and scarily more urgent. I thought about opening my eyes and demanding to know what was happening, but I couldn’t bring myself to because I knew that if I opened my eyes now I would be brought back to the horror of the operation.

When the doctor had said the words ‘They both could die’ back in the deliverer room, I knew that there was a strong chance that my world could end to night. It had been all I could think about, I could lose everyone who was important to me, I would most defiantly lose my self, to the terrible words of death. And as these thoughts came rushing back to me in that moment, it echoed in my pounding head drowning out the still urgent voice spinning around me. The Idea of praying, came to my mind not for the first time since coming into the operating room, but I had never believed in god so what was the point of appealing to someone I didn’t think was really there. But that it what people do isn’t it at the worst moments of their life they turn to someone, if it is a loved one, god, or even a complete stranger. But no one but the person who was squeezing my hand could help me now.

I had never believed in god, but that didn’t mean I didn’t believe in a life after death. I had always thought that a life after death was a nice idea. That everyone could life for eternity. Many people had different ways of looking at it, Christians had heaven and hell, heaven the place where no one was hungry, no one hurt and no one dies, and then its contrast hell, were the devil ruled and fire for ever burned. Hindus, who believe in reincarnation and karma, were you can be a ghost one life time, an animal or a human the next.

I didn’t know what I believed and I didn’t really want to think about any of it at the moment. But that was it, what was filling my head. All thoughts about gods, heaven and life after death didn’t calm me, or even make me more scared. It gave my worried brain something to think about. I hadn’t realised music had been playing in the operating theatre till. A song I knew came on, and filled the room. You when music plays and it has nothing to do with what is happening in your life at that moment but it seems to feel right.

So when I recognised the song I started to mouth the words. I could almost feel the person I loved the most smiling at me, as I whispered along with the words. But I knew that I couldn’t keep away from the voices of the surgeons and one voice in particular say “Too much blood” I shivered at this, too much blood could never be anything good. “Nurse” I was so close to opening my eyes at this loud voice, but I managed to keep them shut not wanting to open them to see what was happening, knowing I would regret it if I did.

I didn’t believe in fate I didn’t believe that everything happens for a reason. We make things happen, a person makes a decision and that is what makes things happen. But I didn’t know what I had done to deserve this. As the second switch by, I almost let myself believe that things were going to plan. But I wouldn’t let myself hope, I just squeezed the hand I was still holding.

Then I heard our baby once again scream, meaning he must still be in to room. I smile came over my face, but then it dropped as a long dull beep sounded through the room. And my eyes snapped open to look at my loves, just as there hand slipped out of mine.

So tell me what you think, who's POV do you think it is.

Do you think she is dead or not?

Haze x