Let Art Be Our Weapon: Frerard/Killjoys Epic

Desert Song

          I rest my foot against the tire and finish lacing up my boots. Where'd my jacket end up? I pace around and I find it lying inside out on the ground next to Frank's vest. I pick them both up, dusting it off a bit and put on my jacket after adjusting the sleeves. Frank finishes tying this boots. He looks up at me and smiles. I hand him his vest and he puts it back on. The two of us just stand, staring at each other. I lean down, giving him a quick kiss.
"Alright, Gee. We've been here for a while. Where to?" he asks.
I move a strand of hair behind his ear. "Look, do we have to go back now? I don't even want to talk about it because I'm still pissed at him."
"Me too," he sighs. "We can go out driving?" he suggests he reaches for his pocket to get the keys. After pawing at his pocket for a moment he shrugs. "Well, they're not in there." He walks around and finds them on the ground near the tire. "Found them!" he giggles, tossing me the keys.
I catch them. "Let's go!" I say. We get in the car and I drive out. I'm guessing we've been over an hour. The sun sets and the blinding light glares through the windshield. We put down the visors. "What are we going to do?"
"I was thinking we go hunt for some Draculoids? We don't have a hand radio but there's one on the car that can pick up the frequency."
"No, I figured we'd do that. I meant, what are we going to do at the base? We're out here now but at some point, we're going to have to go back," I trail off.
Frank rests his head against the seat. "You're right. We will at some point."
"Exactly, so what are we going to do about... the others and.. us?"
"I don't know," he trails off. "God, it was so much easier just sneaking around."
"Tell me about it," I say.
"I love you, Gee. Okay? I really hope that when we get back, none of that will change."
"I love you too, Frankie. I really don't know how to handle this. I haven't told anyone I liked you."
"Yeah," he trails off. "I mean, when we were still kids, I guess, I told Woody I had a crush on you. He took it pretty well and was convinced you liked me back. I always thought he was just saying that to make me feel better but turns out he was right."
I smile. "I did like you when we were kids, I liked you a lot. I just didn't really know it. I was kinda in denial and afraid I'd freak you out, and that would be the last thing I wanted to do."
"I know what you mean. That's why I didn't do anything, literally until you were on death bed."
"I remember you were freaking out that day," I recall.
Frank nods. "Yeah, I was afraid you were going to die and I had to kiss you at least once."
"You know, I have a feeling if I didn't get sick, we would still be going about without saying anything," I say.
Frank laughs. "Yeah, you're probably right. Looks like Korse did do you something good in shooting you."
I smile. "Yeah, I'd never thought I'd be thankful for taking a hit to the throat."
"After 8 years, a little bit of death was all it took," he laughs.
"Yeah, I remember that morning when you introduced yourself. You were so adorable. Even then, shorter than me."
Frank glares at me. "Oh, shut up. I got it from my mother. Believe me, if I would be taller if I was my pop's height. He was around Ray's height." Frank sighs. "Oh, how the world would look different with a view like that." I tense up at the mention of his father. I'm glad I know but part of me wish Bonnie never told me what happened. Carrying it around is almost a burden. Frank looks at me. "What's wrong?" he asks.
"What? Nothing, why?" I ask rather quickly.
"Gee, I know when something's up with you. I can see the glint of fear in your eyes and the filter in your smile. What's wrong?" I bite my lip. If I told him, it would be a lot easier to live with. But he would probably get angry at me for carrying it around after all this time without telling him. Frank puts a hand on my shoulder. "You can tell me anything, Gee. What is is?"
"Frank? What happened to you dad?"
He faces goes blank. "I-I already told you. He, um, he went missing and they never found him again, just his jacket..." he trails off. I don't like the shakiness of his voice.
"I know what, I know what really happened," I say. Frank snaps up at me. I slow down and stop the car, putting the gear in park. His eyes shine with tears and he stares at me waiting for an explanation. I can't tell if he's angry or not but I do know is that he wants to know what I'm talking about. "Your father didn't go missing. He died," I say. Frank's eyes fixate on me and flicker. He slumps down in the seat and stares at the ground. "Frank?"
He clears his throat. "Um, what? How did it happen?" he asks. I purse my lips together. "Gee, I need to know. I need to know what happened to my pops. All I've ever known was he went missing and now you tell me that he's dead? Gee, please. I need to know."
"Bonnie told me what happened. He registered with BL/ind but your mother wouldn't. They were on the run from Bounty Hunters. They injured your mother and she died but they were able to save you. He took care of you and when you were four, you made it to the base. He was 23 years old. Just two years after he got there, two wanderers dropped by with their six-year-old. They bargained for supplies and they left without their kid. Your father saw what happened and took care of him."
"Woody," Frank mutters. "His parents just left him."
"Yeah, but your dad took care of him."
Frank nods. "How did he die?" he asks. I fidget with my hands. "Gee?" he asks.
"You know how we found the trackers in Caleb and Helena's wrist?" Frank nods. "Your dad had a tracker on him since he was registered. At that time, though, we didn't know how to get rid of it or where it was. Bounty Hunters kept showing up at the base coming for your dad. He knew there were so many attacks on the base because of him. He didn't want to risk everyone getting hurt or the base getting discovered. I think it was when you were 8, after one attack, he just took off. He left the base with just his clothes on his back and blaster in hand. He was Bonnie's mentor. When she used to be a Mission Killjoy, she and her team took off and tried searching for him. They found him but when couldn't convince him to come back. Draculoids were nearby and saw them. Bonnie's media and scavenger were killed in combat. The Dracs took your father and were heading back to the Society."
"They took him?" he asks. "Well, maybe he's not dead. Maybe he's still alive just in the Society." He sits up in his seat and looks at me hopefully. "Maybe he's still alive?" he asks me almost, wishing I could confirm. I look at him hard and his eyes still stare at me. "What happened with Bonnie and Mason?"
"They lost half their team. That was the end of their missions. Your dad was the most brilliant technician the base had. He knew everything from computers to salvaged junk to the car. He taught Bonnie about the tech and Mason about cars." Frank nods but he wants me to tell him his dad's still alive. I wish I could but I can't lie to him. "Bonnie and Mason tracked him down for a few days. They almost made it to the Society. The finally caught up with the vans in Zone 20 and engaged in battle. They were outnumbered." I pause for a moment. Frank's crying because he knows how it ends. He knows that his dad died but he refuses to believe it. "Frank, your father didn't want Bonnie and Mason to stay. He knew they wouldn't leave without getting him. He...he killed himself to save them."
"Are you sure?" he whimpers.
"Yeah," I pause. "He took a blaster and shot himself." I point a finger over the yellow T%t patch on his vest. The patch that covers up the bullet hole right over his heart.
Frank closes his eyes and exhales. His black hair falls in his eyes and he buries his face in his hands. I reach over and scoop Frank over to me and hold him in my lap. "He killed himself to save the others?"
I run my fingers through his hair and comfort him, giving a little sway side to side. "Yes, he did. He left to protect you and Woody and everyone else." I hear Frank mutter incoherently through his sobs. I hear say I hate you. My heart stops. "What?" I ask nervously.
"I hate him," he says more clearly. I ease up realizing he didn't say me but I still don't relax.
"Your dad?" I feel him nod. "Why?"
"He left me!" he cries. "He left me when I was 8. He just left and he killed himself.
"Frank, he left to protect you."
"He could've protected me at the base. We're Killjoys; we wouldn't have gotten hurt. He could've stayed." I told know what to say. I don't know if it's good or bad that I told him. "Bonnie became head Technician to replace my pops and Mason became the Mechanic because he died." He cries harder. "Everyone always leaves me," he cries.
"No, that's not true," I argue.
"Yes it is," he shouts, his voice straining. "Whether they like it or not, everyone leaves me. My mom's dead. Not her fault but she's gone. I was supposed to die with her."
"Frank, please don't say that," I whisper. I hate hearing him talk like this. The most precious person in the world shouldn't believe they should have died.
"It's true," he sniffles. "My dad left me 13 years ago. Woody left me. And Gee, I'm not saying that I would rather you dead. I know that if he didn't stay behind in the facility, you wouldn't have made it. I just wish people didn't have to keep leaving me." His tears soak in my shirt. "Promise you'll never leave me."
"Frank, I would never. You're too important. Don't ever think that," I tell him.
"Good," he whispers. "Woody liked you," he adds.
"What?"
"He liked you, Gee. He thought you were amazing and he wanted to be like you."
I pause for a minute. "Really?" I ask. I never thought Woody saw me so highly.
"Are you kidding? He thought you were the greatest. When I told him I had a crush on you, he was so excited." I smile and listen to him talk. "He told me I should do something about it and he I could see him mentally freaking out when we would hold hands when I was in the hospital." He stops. "I wish he got to know he was right about you liking me back." I falter. I don't know what to tell him. It's one thing to talk to Grace-Jeanette but I can't say the same things to Frank. "He used to convince me that you liked me back. He said the 'way you look at me' should be enough to know. I never did anything, though, afraid that you would freak out. Woody promised to never tell anyone."
I brush his hair out of his face and kiss his forehead. Frank smiles up at me. The sun has started setting a while back. Frank curls up in my arms, eyes puffy from crying. I slowly recline the seat down and lie flat on my back with Frank still curled up on my lap with his head resting on my chest. I hold onto him tightly and as he starts to fall asleep, I find myself drifting off as well.