A Servant's Love/ Merthur

Kingly Responsibilities

Tears stung his eyes as he ran against the chilled wind, sobs escaping from his chest, reaching the lake where he had taken Arthur in the early morning, collapsing to his knees in the soft mud of the shore. Merlin knew Arthur had to go back, he knew that he had to follow and protect the king, but could he still follow and neglect his emotions for the king? He knew that Gwen didn't love Arthur as she used to, but Arthur wouldn't let their... whatever this was... continue or at least not in the way it has, and he didn't just want to be Arthur's pass time. Would Arthur even let him stay his servant now that he knows of his magic along with their love? 'It isn't in my right to have Arthur for myself.' He thought as he choked out a sob. He was sick of things always going against him after everything he had gone through, he couldn't have the one thing he wanted and it wasn't really even Arthur's decision. Hitting a fist into the ground, he made a frustrated groan as he doubled over himself, letting his forehead rest against the mud barely noticing as Valith jumped onto his back. He wasn't aware of Arthur's real decisions, and at the time it didn't matter that Arthur was helplessly calling his name desperately, trying to find and tell Merlin his plans.

~

Arthur called out for Merlin, in and around the camp, only stopping when he saw the small dark figure hunched by the stream. He ran over in obvious panic, calling his name as soon as he was in audible reach. Merlin stiffened when he heard him approach.

His jaw clenched as the breeze rolled off the lake before him sweeping his muddy raven hair. Valith crawled into his lap, sensing the uneasiness of his owner.

"Mer-"

"I knew this would happen. You have a kingdom to run." Forcing a laugh as he looked out to the lake in front of him, anything but Arthur. "You know- for a moment I actually thought it was possible, that we could actually be something together, that I would be able to 'run-away' with you, with Gwen being able to keep control of everything on her own, but now with the child..."

Why was this so complicated? Merlin thought to himself, and he couldn't even understand why he was so upset about it. He wouldn't completely loose Arthur, but now after all that Arthur knows, everything would still be the same. Arthur still had Gwen as a lover once and he couldn't change that, no matter what he did he'd never be the most important thing in Arthur's life,
never feel the same way as Merlin. They were so alike in many ways but similarly so different too.

"Merlin stop. I know what you're thinking-"

"You have a child Arthur."

"Merlin."

"You have a wife, who's still going to love you when you return."

"Merlin, please." Both men had glassed over, adrift eyes, both refused to meet the other's eyes.

"You have a kingdom to run like you always have. Gwen would be happy. You could love her again, forget about me. Go back to your first love."

"I don't love Gwen!" Arthur cried, sick of Merlin's false statements, he needed to set things straight. Merlin was the only person he wanted to be with, the only person he could ever truly continue to love.

Merlin raised his head from its drowsed positon, turning over his shoulder to instead face Arthur; the two were finally looking at each other, eye to eye. Merlin shied away at Arthur's attempt to come near, he made this bluntly obvious as he flinched when hearing Arthur's step. Inside Arthur broke. All the walls Arthur had put down for specifically Arthur, thinking he was never going to love him as he did again, he had already begun to place back up. Merlin couldn't be hurt again, not after Freya or his father. Arthur's jesting was all too common to him but before he knew there was affection behind the taunts, he couldn't suffer everyday hear Arthur scorn him so whenever piece of his skin Arthur had claimed the previous night. He couldn't trust Arthur with the thing's he'd say, when every word of affection and promise that left his mouth would once again be nothing.

Rising from his crooked position, Merlin faced Arthur, and Arthur could see the barriers halting. Waiting for just a second longer, ready to knock them down, or to continue to build. Arthur knew his next words would be more consequential than anything he had ever said as a king. Arthur paused trying to plan the words that left his mouth, but all his mind could offer was the same word, the most important word to him, meaning anything and everything, the word he'd always mutter before he'd fall into night's sleep. Merlin.

"What?" the quiet, quivering voice in front of him asked.

Arthur sighed, his head bowed, again he spoke, "I don't love Gwen. Not in the way that I love you." He snuck a glance at the man before him, holding his gaze. "The baby is a new matter, and maybe you're right, that we do have to go back after all we were supposed to anyway, but I would never let you go, I don't want to keep my thrown Merlin, and now with a new heir I don't have to stay with Gwen. We'll talk to her, find out what shall happen with the child, no matter what happens I'll make sure you're still with me, always."

Merlin was upon Arthur's lips as if they were his only life source, he had reached out and clung to Arthur's shirt like they were the last tethers of his being, his other hand held parts of Arthur's mop of hair like it was as valuable as the gold that it was coloured. The men were no longer separated from each other; Arthur was the hammer that again knocked down the walls of protection in Merlin, the debris falling away and discarded as it was no longer needed when Merlin fell into his arms. Clinging to each other, the inseparable coin that was their destiny, their love and their passion.

A/N: I'm sorry this took forever and I left you all waiting,  I didn't have any confidence in my writing but still wanted to right this as nice as possible. I'm still not sure about it to be honest but I've kept u waiting for so long, sorry for that. I hope this was okay. I plan to write a bit more on it so I'm not calling this the end yet, it's not finished yet. thankyou for reading so far, it been so amazing hearing from u all, ur comments are what keep me doing this :)