A Careless Man

twenty seven

Anna told her sister everything. Despite her being across the world, their relationship never wavered. Daisy was a couple years older then her; an architect in Australia. Her name was not of a flower but the woman in Great Gatsby. Anna used to be jealous of her sister being named after one of her father's favourite things, until he told her that Anna meant grace, a quality he saw in her the moment she was put into his arms.

"You are stupid Anna." Daisy said, she sat across the planet, drinking a cup of tea, and quietly yawning. The time difference always made one of them sacrifice sleep. "There is something you should know about men.-" Her sister paused, blowing on her hot beverage before continuing, "It's not the fact that they don't like you. They do things because despite, there persona, they are petrified. They fall in love fast, hard, and that scares them. At the end of the day they want you, but their just too careful."

"But I feel as if he is the opposite. Since the first day I meant him he's been careless. He flew threw a windshield for crying out loud. He wanted me when he had a fiance. There is nothing careful about Harry." Anna was vigorously stirring the pot of soup she had made from scratch. Her anger being mixed with the ingredients.

"That's what you see, but you're not looking hard enough. Analyze the data, look at the clues. You're a doctor, you diagnose people everyday, but when it comes to real life it's like nothing that you know applies. He's a human. We all have a shadow."

They said their good mornings, and nights after that. Her sister kissed her through the phone, telling her to call her in exactly three days when she'll have a day off to video chat.

Anna put her stove on low, letting her meal simmer as she sat on her couch. She had just cleaned her whole house top to bottom; a thing she did when something was on her mind, or pulling at her core.

Anna pulled back blankets they sat at the edge of her couch, she pressed her head on the side of the sofa, and looked up at her popcorn ceilings.

She knew that Harry cared for her, it was obvious, but it seemed futile. They seemed doomed from the start, just by how they came together. He didn't like her enough, she thought, enough to get past his inner demons.

He was awkward around his mother, never speaks about himself. He's never secretive, but also never open. He's never honest, but also doesn't lie. It was like a game, every day trying to figure out what part of him you could try and understand next.

A crossword puzzle that could never be solved.

No matter how much Anna knew he cared for her, in some way or another, it didn't excuse what he had done. Harry embarrassed her internally, he humiliated her with privacy. It was worse then being teased in public. At least with that, the world forgets, the sun sets, and the embarrassment fades away quickly, but between two people, it sicks to the air like glue. You feel it all over, and every time you think of the person they are covered in the situation. It repeats in your head over, and over, and you have nothing to fall back on because it is just you, and him. The two people you know. Privacy. Isolation. You're stuck.

Anna felt stuck, with just a hint of confusion.

She was lost in her train of thought, when the soup started to boil over. Rushing to the stove she turned it off, making sure to keep the lid have open for air to leave. She wasn't very hungry anymore, her brain racked with the paradox of Harry.

She stared at the phone, looking at the text he sent to her this morning.

From Harry:

I'm tired of apologizes, just let me explain. I need to explain.

Anna was tired of him apologizing too. It was tiresome being angry, when deep down inside she knew she'd forgive him. She wanted him, tried not to need him, but in the end did.