Cold Yet Warm (BxB)

Delizioso

After Jackson got settled on the floor in my room I stepped outside to go get a glass of water and peeked outside to watch the snow fall peacefully. I didn't know what's gonna happen tomorrow now that I blew their plan for today. But I know that the smirk on my face will be firmly planted on my face no matter what happens.

I peeled my eyes away from the snow and glanced over to where my mom was, watching as she spoke with one of her friends on the phone. Her friend, Suzy had apparently invited us over for dinner with her and her family since they just moved into town again. I think I had met her son and daughter briefly but couldn't put a face on them so I knew it wasn't long that they stayed. I rolled my eyes in annoyance, I knew I'd be forced to come like usual but I also knew there's going to be a fight before I come home tomorrow so I'm in a bit of a dilemma. The plan was pretty simple, kick ass or take a beating. I was used to both now so I was ready for anything. I huffed and went to my room getting ready to sleep or at least try to since my nightmares are still pretty bad. I opened my dresser to grab some sleeping pills a friend back in California had given me as a going away gift. I didn't do drugs but sleeping pills were a regular thing during my first year there due to the trauma. They were settled after that until I came back home. Thus why I was gifted with 3 bottles worth of sleeping pills. He even put a bow on them for me and everything. He thought he was funny.

Shaking my head chuckling to myself at the memory. I popped the pill into my mouth and took a swig of my water bottle before going to lay down, lazily waiting for sleep to overcome me.

Eventually it did.

"Where you think your going faggot?" I heard Liam speak coldly looking down at my body struggling to crawl away.

I looked up tearfully with wide eyes before the kick came. Over. And over again. Scared to stop looking at him as if my life would end if I didn't. So I cried and anytime I thought it was over he'd kick again. I glanced at his friends in the background staring at my almost lifeless body horrified and telling him to stop or he'd kill me.

I laughed in my head at that then closed my eyes for another blow before muttering something so quietly that I could barely hear myself. "Please....kill me."

After that I blacked out but I could remember his eyes filled with hatred even as I begged him to end my life. He felt nothing because to him I was nothing. I was empty after that. Suicidal thoughts filling my head when I was left alone or when I had to talk about what happened. I turned to a razor.

It helped me feel something. Whether it was painful or not I did it. Those nights I couldn't sleep, I used it as an excuse to cut when really it was all just adding up to that final moment when I went deep enough to kill myself.

The feeling of complete euphoria came over me as I began to get drowsy until... nothing.

I suddenly sat straight up catching my breath as I grasped onto my sheets as if to make sure this was real. I wiped the sweat off my head panting as I threw the covers off my over heated body.

"Shit." I muttered frustratedly as I glanced at the clock reading, 5:30 AM. I ran a hand through my hair getting out of bed to go take a quick shower to help myself recover before my mom woke up. She knew I had the nightmares in the past just not that they're happening again now. I didn't want her to. I wanted revenge.

I took my shower and threw on some dark faded jeans folding them at the bottom and a plain white t-shirt and sat on my bed to rest a couple seconds staring directly at my drawings. I could never tear these down but they're starting to mock me and I don't like it. I just sighed and grabbed a dark denim jacket slipping on a pair black Doc Marten boots. I grabbed some random black scarf and my bag before I left the house to go grab some coffee from a little coffee shop down the street. I needed some caffeine or something I was still so drowsy. I put my music on shuffle and listened to whatever played as I walked down the street enjoying 'My House' by PVRIS blasting in my ear.