The Whole Thing

The Part With The Confession

Sleep deprivation came with risky side effects.

Julian couldn't stop bouncing his foot as he worked through the mountain of paperwork on his desk. He kept licking his parched, cracked lips but it did not help. He rubbed his eyes and suppressed a yawn only for it to arise a minute later. He closed his eyes for just a second but when he opened them again it was six minutes later. He groaned and collapsed his upper half on the desk. The exhaustion could've brought him to tears. 

There was a rapping on the door and Julian thought it was as good as a lullaby. He soon realised where he was, bolted up in his seat and organised the documents on his desk before he bellowed for the knocker to come in.

It was Noel Fielding. He hastily shut and locked the door and Julian couldn't do anything about it.

"You've been avoiding me"

He said nothing.

"You look bloody well miserable, serves you right"

"I'm fine"

"Ha!"

Julian ignored Noel as he started to cackle. He went to do his paperwork but Noel slammed his fist on his desk which startled him.

"Look at me"

Julian was reluctant at first but couldn't help himself.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you've been avoiding me"

Julian gulped down and stiffened his upper lip. He looked him straight in the eye.

"I've been avoiding you. You're a no good criminal. Scum, even. You were just a game to me. It was fun but now it's over"

Noel wasn't buying it.

"I kissed you and you disappeared. I don't understand"

"I just explained-"

"You even took me off your counselling service. None of this adds up"

Noel shook his head and folded his arms. All Julian could manage with his limited energy was a deep sigh.

"You wanted me to kiss you" Noel continued, "You begged. I kissed you and you disappeared... Do you know how close it is?"

"How close what is?"

"My execution date. It's really, really close and you decide to disappear"

"Noel-"

"No, don't 'Noel' me. I can't believe you!"

"I'm sorry"

"I don't want your empty apology" Noel spat, "I want that time back"

"You're not allowed to be in here"

Julian swallowed hard. He stood up and walked over to Noel. The distance between them became smaller and Noel's breaths became sharper. From that close, Julian could see Noel's eyes glistening with tears.

"What does that mean?"

"The Warden... He caught us. I'm not allowed to interact with you or he'll have my job"

Julian reached out and pushed the hair out of Noel's eyes. He lazily held onto a strand when he was done, going as far to start stroking the matted mess upon the criminal's head.

"That's why you've been avoiding me?"

"Partly"

"What's the other part?"

There was a bit of hesitation in Noel's voice when he asked as there was hesitation for Julian to answer. He stepped back from Noel and leant against his desk. He held the edges to support him, knowing his next words would make or break their relationship together. Julian watched the nervous rise and fall of Noel's chest and his determination to keep his tears inside his eyes although his lip was quivering. He was scared but so was Julian.

"I'm falling in love with you"

Julian couldn't even look him in the eye. He was finding it very hard to do anything while he made his confession.

"I probably am in love with you already, wholey and completely in love with you. I don't even know you but I love you. I do know you, what am I saying? I know you enough by now. I am drowning in my infatuation of you. You're all I think about. When the Warden confronted me, the first thing I thought was it was for the best to avoid you because I can't fall in love with you but as the time crawled by, because believe me it crawled, it did not fly, I realised I already was. I'm in love with you whether you're guilty or innocent. Fuck, see? I don't even care if you've killed people that's how much I love you"

"You don't... You don't know me"

"I do. I said I do. You had a troubled childhood. You write to your brother every single day and he writes you right back. Your blood type is O negative and your birthday is the 21st of May. You used to be an artist, still are an artist. You painted whacky and wonderful creations. Paintings I've only ever seen in photos. You used to steal just to survive. You use sex as a weapon but you also use it for survival. You are Noel Fielding, I know enough"

Noel had tears streaming down his face but they weren't the happy tears Julian was expecting. They weren't the kind that lead to Noel confessing a reciprocation of his feelings. His tears were thick and sorrowful. His lips had gone from quivering to trembling and he was making whining noises. He wiped his tears quickly and folded his shaky arms.

"I'll be gone soon"

"Who cares if you're dying? It doesn't change anything"

"You don't know me... There was no time for you to know me"

"Noel-"

"You can go back to avoiding me"

So he stormed out.