The Whole Thing

The Part With After Sex Communication

"Fuck"

Noel rasped as he climbed off of Julian and collapsed on the bit of bed beside him.

Julian ran a hair through his matted, sweaty hair and turned on his side to stare at his lover. He, too, was glistening with sweat.

"I love you"

"Come off it"

Noel rolled his eyes but Julian couldn't help but notice he was smiling. He rolled on his side so they could both look into each-other's eyes and Julian couldn't help but rest a hand on the small of his back.

"I was gonna die today but instead I got to shag you, genius"

Noel was smiling even harder now, if that was even possible. Julian couldn't help but reciprocate it but then it slowly faded away and his hand slid back to his side.

"What's wrong?" Noel frowned.

"I just helped an escaped felon and his friends across the borderline and then slept with him. I left my family for him. The twins... my boys... they're going to grow up without me. They were my whole life. Now look at what my life is. I'm a bisexual homewrecker who romantically chases after criminals who only want me for sex" 

"Shut up, I don't just want you for sex"

Noel put his hand in Julian's mangled hair but he flinched away. He crawled over to the other side of the bed and sat up, placing his feet on the floor.

"They're going to think I helped you. Which I did. I helped with all of it. It was my codes that got you out, they're going to know that. Not showing up to work today was the icing on the cake. I'm as much a felon as you are now"

"Well... yesterday. It's one in the morning now"

"Would you just stop being cocky?" Julian snapped, glaring at Noel who rolled his eyes.

"Stop having a pity party. You became a criminal the minute you fucked me in your office the first time"

"I can't go back..."

Julian was not listening to Noel anymore and his sweat no longer derived from pleasure. Noel stopped trying to fight it and crept over to where Julian was sitting. He placed his hands on his shoulders and left small kisses against his shoulder-blades and along his neck. Thankfully, Julian wasn't fighting it either. When he was done, he rested his head on one of his shoulders.

"There's one thing you got wrong. I ain't just wanting you for sex. Why else would I have called you when the car broke down? I bloody well knew you could've have arrested me and the boys, even the night before. What was I thinking seeing you at your own house? And I know you heard me dabble on. When you pulled into view today to rescue me... I've never felt more for anyone else. You shouldn't love me, though. I'm selfish and manipulative, I dragged you into the criminal life with me. There's no way you can go back to your job now without being arrested or fired and your family won't accept you. I simultaneously ruined your life as well as saved it"

"Saved it?"

"You love me, even if you shouldn't, and cause of that any life without me would've been no good... Not saying you have to come with me and the boys but we'll cross paths again, I'm sure of it"

Julian laughed at the kid's arrogance although he knew he had a point. He turned around slightly to face him and run a hand through his raven hair.

"I love you" Noel shakily breathed, "I really think I do"

Julian placed a kiss on Noel's quivering lips.

"I'm glad you didn't die today"

"Me too. Now get back into bed"

Julian did as he was told and in no time they were cuddling against the pillows and under the sheets.

"How would you have died?"

"Huh?"

"You get to choose, hanging, electric chair, injection... How?"

"I hadn't thought about it because I wasn't going to let it happen"

"If it was me, I'd go with injection. Hanging breaks your neck which although the pain lasts a second, it seems too painful. Electric chair just seems like a prolonged and torturous death. I don't think you feel anything with the injection, all the executions I've been to the criminals look so peaceful"

"Can we not talk about it?"

"Sorry"

"Let's just talk about something else"

"Are you innocent?"

"Julian..."

"No, really" Julian insisted and sat up, "If you love me, you'd tell me the truth"

There was silence for a little while. Noel had taken to biting his lip and twiddling his thumbs and Julian just sat watching him.

"When you're a thief, it's safe to assume you're hanging with a bad crowd. There were some people who didn't really understand the 'honour among thieves' business. We had this competition against each-other 'cause we lived in the same district of London. I won and they weren't happy about it. They, uh, took my brother. They just took him and expected me to steal for them. I never would've gone near those diamonds, that entire event, if they didn't have my brother. They told me to kill anyone who stood in my way. So I did. I escaped and gave them the diamonds and they gave me my brother. That's why they never found them cause I gave them away and ran for my life. My brother did everything he could to make sure I got into the right prison  with my friends so I could escape. He owes me his life and I owe him mine"

"You told me you were stealing to survive"

"Yeah. I lied. I'm a criminal, it's what I do best"

Noel had rolled over to avoid Julian's gaze, feeling hopeless. Julian heaved a deep sigh.

"Are you lying when you say you love me?"

Noel didn't even hesitate to turn back around and scramble to Julian's height. He stroked Julian's bristly cheek and with tears in his eyes he shook his head.  They kissed and Julian felt the heaviness in both their chests.

"...My father was murdered. He had been fired a week before from his job so when the muggers went to take his money, all he had was for our dinner that night and he refused to give it up. It was only fifty bucks but apparently it was enough for him to get stabbed. I was in the car and I had been watching the whole time. When they fled, I rushed over and I held him in my arms as he bled to death. I was twelve... I hated you for killing those people. I vowed I would not talk to you, comfort you because you'd remind me too much of those vile people but really you're nothing like them at all"

Noel had returned to placing soft sympathetic kisses on Julian's shoulder as he muttered soft apologies.

"I think we should get some rest. We still have some way to go tomorrow before you leave me"

"I don't want to leave you"

"You have to"