What is that?
My life is racing inside my ribs like a ticking time bomb telling me that anytime now, someone will grab the soul out of my body and put it in a jar of eternal damnation. I should have just taken father’s advice seriously about taking a few weeks rest before coming back for school. The plane ride was sucking the pieces of sanity l have left. Its bumpy ride kept up with the beat of my sobs for terror. I am not new to plane rides; it’s just as if my number is up and ready to be snatched away from the world I have known as a helpless and unfair place.
I blame my brother for this. The forlorn of his death created me a realm no one has ever been to before – the world of hallucinations.
“Hey, are you fine?” I almost jumped when a hand hooked my elbows with precise gentleness. I choke back the scream forming at the lump of my throat upon the sight of a flight attendant’s cautious eyes and the absence of threat. She was the one who stayed with me throughout my incidental drama inside the aircraft. What was her name again - Heather, I guess. “Someone seems jumpy today. Is someone going to collect you?”
“Just me.” my voice cracks. She wishes me good luck before she proceeds to the airport office. When would anyone stop pretending they really care?
My eyes burn when the afternoon sunlight hit my face. The damp cheeks I soaked from crying feel cool under its heat so I rush to get myself a taxi towards home before the rain in my eyes clouds my vision again.
Home.
The thought crumbles the acid inside my gut – crushing every muscle it touches as the pain crawls up to my spine. The hint of tears constraints my throat until I found the difficulty in breathing. Home does not exist anymore. It is just me and the total lies the world wants me to accept.
I used to live in this small town called Blakeland with my brother, Xander. We were sent here for our high school education which has been more of my idea than his. Xander was a senior while I am still in my junior year. I may be already sixteen but because of the special education I took with Xander back in my father’s town, the evidence of my intellectual advancement has separated both of us from friends and acquaintances. We devoted our time spent more in high school; nevertheless, no one in our family really gets the point of how such experience is useful to our lives as teenagers.
With how messed up I am, I think I should extend an exemplar amount of effort to cope up with the word ‘alone’ from this day forward.
Xander was murdered two weeks ago in my father’s town. We were asked to pay a visit because of Xander’s birthday and if I knew better, I should have just let him stay with me in Blakeland; that way, I don’t have to suffer the depression of losing him which is totally bullshit. The police reports said it was suicide. But I saw what happened! Xander will not kill himself, he is smart and kind. Putting a meaningful life in the grave by him personally is just nonsense at all.
No one believed me when I said I saw how he was abducted, locked in a car compartment then brought somewhere I don’t know. No ear was lent – I was the fool and they are the most understanding person in the world – how cool is that? Father convinces me (until now) that the hallucinations are just an adverse effect of my medication. I must admit - I may be a little unsure at times - but I was certain that they took my brother and killed him. So, when I received the greetings of laughter instead of sincere condolences during the funeral, I decided to take the first flight back to Blakeland.
I know what I saw. Xander was murdered.
The only matter that may convince me that they are right – that Xander killed himself – is the question asking for the reason why would anyone hurt my brother. He was supposedly a living saint for everybody – which sucked most of the time but I have to live with before – he can’t even kill a fly. The point is – for them, my allegation is impossible because of the absence of a definite purpose for his murder.
