Before the night falls [n.h]

Chapter 35

Chapter 35

It might sound absurd or incredibly selfish, but this was what I thought. I've had this fear in a long time and going on dates with Niall didn't help. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't change our romantic time together over anything in this world, but I had that little fear of getting caught with Niall hand-in-hand. Paranoid? Not for me. I was afraid of the paparazzi's, the directioners who sent hate before, probably the whole world. Niall was in the biggest boy band in the entire world. This would go all around the news.

I still dared to go with Niall to public places. I might be afraid of all this, but Niall was totally more worthy than all that crappy still haunting fears I had. The video tape with him and I did appear on TV and a lot of directioners hated on me without knowing me and I wasn't even kissing him or hugging him. I wasn't even his girlfriend. Just imagine if they did know who I was. They would totally hate me and not in an indirect way.

Liam loved Sophia and directioners couldn't just accept the fact that Payzer was over, so they just sent hateful tweets about her look and about Danielle being better than her. Ouch. I mean I did love Payzer as well, but no one should go through that hatred. Horrible to just think about if that was you. It would be me soon and that terrified me. I did was confident about myself, but I was really shy on the inside as well. Not with my friends, but I hated being the center of attention. 

I probably wouldn't handle the hate. I was already insecure of myself about the tape video hate and thy weren't even judging me. They were just saying I should back off or they would hunt me down and...you know what. Bad stuff. Niall wouldn't even be by my side to console, protect, comfort me. He had a really busy schedule for like the whole year and I totally got it. I understood it, but I still needed him.

Selfish? Yes, probably a bit. But in my defense I did have the right to feel like that. In one hand it was selfish of me, but in the other hand it was a relationship long distance. You sometimes do need the love of your boyfriend and he isn't there to hold you tight and go through the darkest and happiest days of your life. Now that sucks!

I didn't want to tell this to Niall, but somehow I felt obligated to do so. He just needed to know what I felt. I just was afraid he would interpret it differently. By that I meant that he would think I didn't want to be with him or something. That was definitely not true. I was just really afraid to disappoint him. He was my everything. I loved him so much. This was so unfair. Did I not have the right the feel a 100% confident, secure, comfortable and truly happy without worries? Really.

I just needed to wait, perhaps. I mean, no one still knew I was with Niall so we were all good. I just was afraid of what would happen if directioners did know who I was. They will know one day, but I just didn't want it to be too soon. I wasn't prepared. I've never dealt with something like this. Excuse my little insecurity. I hoped it would fade away. I just really wasn't prepared at all. I shouldn't be thinking about that as well. It only made things worse. If it happens then it'll go that way in the moment. It was just worse if I kept imagining what if something bad happened.

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~ 1 day later ~

Niall was still here in Bradford, but not for too long. I was in the airport somewhere hidden waiting for him to come inside. I was there a couple of hours earlier to avoid problems with the directioners and entering the building. I started hearing loud screaming. Yes, they have arrived. In a couple of seconds you could see Harry, Niall, Louis, Zayn and Liam enter through the big thick glass doors.

I couldn't wait to hug them, but I didn't want them to leave as well. It was life. The boys approached me and all of them gave me a hug. The last but not least was Niall who also gave me a kiss and the tightest hug of them all. Relax, no one except the boys and the bodyguards saw it. Other couple of months without seeing him again. We said our goodbyes and went our ways. Bye Niall.

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~ 4  month later ~

I didn't know when Niall  would come again. Neither he knew it exactly. It already passed 4 months since I didn't see his gorgeous face in front of me. We did do Video calls almost every day, but it didn't fully help killing the regard. I missed him a lot.

The month where Niall left something happened. Not bad, but also not good. When I left the airport, there were a lot of paparazzi's taking pictures of me. Shit, I know, but nothing serious went on. It did came on some news, but not for long. The paps couldn't really accuse me of something. They didn't even know how to make up a rumour of me with one of the boys as they didn't even have pictures of me with them.

There was still a bit of hate and speculations, but they didn't know me, my name or who I was. It still bugged me a lot. They knew how I looked and being with Niall would be even more dangerous. I knew it.