Tattoo || Joshler

The Pantaloon

*before I start the chapter, I have written a few things in a book my friend has done. Go check her out! It's a rant book but it's pretty funny at times. MillyCole

*Chapter 19*

A coma is scary.

Especially when you have nothing but your thoughts to deal with.

I hurt.

A lot.

Memories of my childhood flashed, memories of my schooling, my year at college so far and most importantly: Josh.

It didn't help that I was able to hear everything.

It did only sound like blurs, and only parts I heard, but I still understood.

I could make out Josh's sobs, my parents talking, yelling at doctors and each other, and my friends calming Josh down from anxiety attacks.

After what felt like an eternity, I woke up.

It was painful.

The blinding light, the desperate need in my lungs for air, the dry pain in my throat from not drinking, my pounding head, my many broken bones, everything flushed in me.

It wasn't enough to scream, but it sure made me wish I died.

I looked around once my eyes adjusted, my eyes finally landing on the hand gripping my own, which I somehow only now noticed.

Probably because everything else was too much.

I trailed my sight up to see Josh, tears dried and staining his face, puffy eyes, and messy hair.

I smiled.

It was cute.

But it also pained me to see the tears and how skinny he was.

He was like a twig, ready to break at any moment.

He had hurt himself, all because of me.

Josh looked up to meet eyes with me.

He smiled.

I smiled back.

I was alive, and I was happy Josh was there too.

I noticed Zack was there also.

After a while, and Zack giving me some water, we spoke for a bit.

Turns out three months is a long time for a coma.

After Zack and Josh walked out for a moment, I noticed I was pretty tired.

So I fell asleep.

When I woke up, I noticed more people were there.

Aside from the few doctors who helped me take the breathing tube out of my nose and the various other things I no longer needed, I was free to talk to everyone.

Dallon, Brendon, Ashley, who I assumed was Lynn, and my family were there.

Even Jenna, Sarah, Breezy, Frank and Gerard were there.

We spoke about heaps.

Josh was right. Lynn was a sweetheart.

We caught up on the past few months, and heaps more than I would have imagined happened, happened.

It got me thinking.

Josh was an amazing guy.

I couldn't have imagined a life without without him.

I never knew how I ended up with an amazing guy.

I thought, too much even, but this time it was good.

I was okay with thinking.

I'm okay.

I promise.

I thought about the future, and I knew exactly what I wanted, and when it was going to happen if I did it.

I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Josh.

I wanted to marry the amazing boy with mocha eyes and faded purple hair.

He was so loveable, and he was accepted right into my family which made my heart swell.

Being around my friends and family after so long tired me out, and they eventually saw I was tired so they all left and promised they would see me tomorrow.

All except Josh and Zack.

The only two who had stayed the entire three months.

Granted Zack had his girlfriend so he didn't stay over night as often, but Josh stayed every night.

I felt guilty because of how malnourished he was.

He hasn't looked after himself because he was worried about me.

But I couldn't help but smile when I saw the two rings laying together on the table beside my bed.

He got his gift after all.

Just not the way I had hoped.

*yo! Just a small filler before the next chapter. Next chapter will be the last chapter before the epilogue. Don't worry!

•safe place to rant and talk•

~XOjay
[Edited: 22 February, 2018]