Beside you 5sos (boyxboy) (Malum, Lashton)

Chapter 9- Sorrowful Laugh

***Trigger warning. I can officially say that I hated writing this. Like this whole subject makes me sad. Probably because I used to do this. It had to be written though. So here it is, my imaginary readers. Please don't hate me.***

After Calum is done puking I go over and look at what Ashton brought us. There were two coffees and a scone. This is one of the reasons why Ashton is my best friend. I look over to Calum "You want a coffee?" I ask cheerfully.

"Yeah." He says not looking me in the eye. I go over and hand it to him. "I'm sorry about last night." He says abruptly.

"It's no problem. We all have times like that I guess." I tell him with a shrug of my shoulders.

"Yeah? So you have had a time where you have gotten drunk, let it leak that you're gay, and then proceed to try and have sex with the person you leaked to?" He says slightly angry.

"Believe it or not I actually have," I tell him with a laugh.

"You think this is funny." He yells. I flinch slightly and my smile drops. He sighs. "I'm sorry. It's just no one knows that I'm gay, and I intend to keep it that way." He tells me with a still angry edge to his voice.

"I have to get ready for class," I say looking away from him as the tears threaten to spill over. "You should probably leave."

When I turn to look at him again he has a slightly hurt expression. "I really am sorry." He says as he gets up to leave. I just look away and scratch my arm trying to fighting back tears. When the door closes behind him. I jump up and head to my dresser flinging it open. I reach inside, my hand frantically searching the drawer. My hand closes around the tiny box that has my blades in it. I back up against the wall and slowly sliding down it until I hit the floor. I open the box gently and take out one of the shiny blades. You need to do this. You will feel better after you do this. Just do it, Michael. I sigh and bring the blade down to my skin.

I am walking back to my dorm with Luke as we say our goodbyes. I walk to my room and open the door. I walk into the room and hear whimpering. I quickly turn on the lights and see Michael on the bed crying. He is holding his hands to his chest tightly.

I quickly go over to Mikey. "What's wrong Mikey? Did something happen? Are you hurt?" I ask frantically trying to find the source of the problem. As an answer, he just takes his hand away from his chest and shows me his wrist. My heart drops at the sight. "Oh, Mikey. You were doing so well. What happened?" There was around 15 red, and some still slightly bleeding, cut marks across his arm.

"Its stu-u-upid." He stutters out.

"Tell me anyway." I insist.

He looks at me and sighs trying to calm himself down. "Ca-a-alum told me that he-e is gay and he doesn't want anybo-o-ody to know. He was just s-s-so angry at the fact that he tri-i-ied to have sex with me-e-e. A-a-am I really that revo-o-olting?" He says as he burst into heavy sobs.

"No love. You aren't. You are beautiful inside and out. If he can't see that then to hell with him. He doesn't deserve you, Mikey. He is not worth you cutting yourself up over." I tell him as I get up and get some bandages to clean up his wounds. I sigh to myself, not wanting Michael to hear. He was doing so good. Why would he give up all of his progress over some prick? I walk back over to Michael and began cleaning his wrist.