Running with the wolves

What the hell

9:00 a.m

I'm getting up, everything is still a blur. I pick out some clothes.

9:05 a.m

I'm in the bathroom taking a shower.

9:20 a.m.

I'm in my clothes and on my way up stairs.

I was miserable. Not really. I was having fun with my family, but yes, I was a little miserable. It was all Jake's fault. Well, and mine.

Everything here was a blur. Like my life didn't know how to function properly without Jake. I felt like I didn't belong here anymore. Don't get me wrong the break was peaceful. It just didn't feel like I was visiting home. It felt like La push was home, and I was just visiting here.

I wish I would have left, with me and Jake being on better terms. I just couldn't get him out of my head as soon as I touched down in Missouri.

Sure, we weren't talking when I left, but at least I could see him if I wanted to.

Hopefully this bonfire will do me justice.

I was laughing and having fun with my family over breakfast when Caillou through a piece of pancake at my head. I threw a piece back. Then he threw a piece at Mychal.

This started a war. A piece hit Lilly and, and piece hit Kayline.

Soon leftover breakfast, consisting of pancakes, eggs, and sausage were being thrown around.

We were all laughing. Until my mom came in the kitchen.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS MESS." she yelled, thundering over our laughter. We all stopped and looked instantly.

We looked around at each other, then something overcame us, because we burst into laughter.

My mother sighed heavily, "Whatever, just pick it up." she said. "I got work so i'm going to take a nap. Drop Caillou off at Allen's on your way to the bonfire."

"Okay!" we all chorused, not wanting to piss her off more.

After cleaning up the mess we spent the afternoon chilling. We got ready. It was 8:30. and I was definitely ready for a jake-off-my-mind experience.

Driving down the road, through the most familiar scene in my life, was also the most unfamiliar. What was happening to me. The world just seemed to be different. Then I realized it was because home was wherever the heart was. My heart was Jake. I hate feeling mushy.

Missouri was a breath of fresh air though. Genuine, thick, murky, humid, smoke-filled, clear-your-mind-in-a-harsh-way fresh air.

We'd dropped Caillou off and were now arriving at the bonfire. I immediately got happy. Everyone I loved was here. On top of most of all the people I loved being in one specific area, I smelled pot. mmh! yess.

"Ajaaay!" I heard a scream. I knew who it was without even looking in the direction of the scream. I turned around and opened my arms to Kate. She jumped into to me squeezing me like I had come back from the dead.

"We missed you so much honey!" she was saying.

"Yah! I've missed you too man."

We started walking towards the fire. On the way, I was being embraced in hugs left and right. Jesse, Aaron, Jamie, Bobbie, Ricki, Janelle, Jeff, Jason, Rocko, Kina, Josh, Dre, Micah, Ryan, Connor, Seth and Mickel were all here. It was like the gang was back together.

After a few hits of jane, and a disgusting beer Mickel and Micah had convinced me to drink, I was in my element.

Music blaring, high-fives, singing loud, friends, liquor, pot, smiles, laughter, more singing, hugging, love. This was definitely the life for me-- I missed this.