Outlet

19/10/16 - 11:35pm

I didn't ask to think this way, I didn't ask to think these thoughts. But then again who does when it comes to something like this?

I know it's not normal, I know it's not healthy. I know I need to reach out and get the help that I need to recover from this, this isn't the KO this is just a relapse.

It's not what I wanted, it's not what anybody wants. To think these things, to belittle yourself in your own mind. To fight yourself on a daily basis over something that you need to do to stay alive, to stay healthy and to function.

It's my fault, but it's also not my fault. I'm stubborn, it's in my genetics. It's who I am.

It frustrates those closest to me, it hurts them. It makes me selfish. That's not who I am, selfish.

I don't want to hurt, I don't want to simply survive I want to thrive, I want to grow. I don't want to stop at the current level that I'm at, I want to soar and I want to fly.

I want to look back at myself this time next year and say that I made it, it was rough but I made it.

It's not like I don't have the support system behind me, I know that if I kick my stubborn butt into gear I can fix this.

Because that's the thing with mental illness, you feel like you're drowning until someone comes along and pulls you up to the surface so you can breathe again.

I've always believed that mental health is paramount, the mind is our mainframe. If it malfunctions our whole body and the way that we think doesn't work, it's like you're crashing and you don't know how to stop it.

I know how to stop it I just need to take charge, I need to control this before I let it control me further.

I'm telling you now, from someone who is experiencing a relapse in their mental health right now that it gets better. Surround yourself with people who love and care about you, make sure they're positive in themselves. Make sure that they raise you up, whether it's your parents, your friend, your co-worker, your teacher, your neighbour or even your pet!
You can do this!

There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, yes it's tough now. It hurts like hell but you can get there. We will get there together, have faith and please whatever you do believe in yourself. Take a moment out of each day to do something you love, go for a walk, listen to your favourite song, meet up with your friends or just eat your favourite food.

Find something that makes you smile and vibe from it, smile and enjoy the little things in life that make you happy. Be selfish for just this once and put you first, your mental health is important. Love yourself and stay true to you, believe in yourself and say that you can do it.

From a person who is currently struggling themselves I believe in you, I believe in us. We can do this.
Let's find the light and hold onto it.

I'm always here.