Outlet

19/11/16 - 06:11pm

'Don't let a piece of glass define you.'

This is a piece of advice that I would like to take on board. It's a piece of advice that everyone needs to take on board; both men and women, people from both older and newer generations.

Because the truth is the thing that we look into on a daily basis to check that we look 'okay' doesn't have an actual opinion. It's just a really big sheet of glass.

The next time you go up to a mirror and stand there glaring at yourself think to yourself that it's not the mirror that holds that opinion of yourself but you!

You are the one that looks into that sheet of glass and forms that opinion of yourself, it's your reflection, it's you. You're that person just reach an arm out and point a finger, touch the glass realise that it's not a legitimate person who happens to be your doppelgänger who is living in a parallel universe on the other side. But it is in fact just you.

Realise that you can't ask that reflection for their opinion, its your opinion to create. It's your life, its your body. Your body is your home its vital that you feel secure within it, you have control as to what you put it through, as to what you let affect it.

It's difficult to not let the glass define you, I know that. You have yourself staring back at you but its not like that person is different from who you are, they don't have a voice, they only speak when you want them to. It's your voice so it's your choice.

It's hard not to think negatively and then let that negativity define you, it doesn't even have to be physically voiced just that voice in your head is enough to completely send you crashing to the floor. And then that is it, you're screwed. That is now how you mostly see yourself, but as humans being the perfectionists that we are we strive to change this, it's natural we want to be better for ourselves and we want to be happy. Who doesn't?

To try and 'perfect' ourselves we might decide to take drastic action, even if this means compromising our own health. We try to hide that action from the people we love in an attempt to not worry them, but because we aren't as open with them they still worry anyway. We slightly lose who we are at the start of the action, each time we do it we lose another piece of ourselves until eventually we're completely shattered. Just a body that is now a shell, the former life that once inhabited it, gone.

We try to fill the void by taking more action thinking that it will improve us, but in reality it just makes things a whole lot worse. We become blind to what we're actually doing to ourselves so we carry on thinking that slowly things will get better, when everyone else around us can see that you've changed, you aren't you anymore.

You start to isolate yourself some more, you cry daily and you're just in constant emotional pain sometimes even physical. The days all blur into one as you scramble to try and find yourself again, you clasp onto every last thing that you have that could possibly take you back to normality.

You cry more and feel less, the only thing you can feel is vulnerable and exposed so you hide away some more. You get angrier more easily and you take it out on those who don't deserve it. Because the truth is that you are actually angry at yourself, your angry for the way that you've lost yourself. You're angry because of the person that you have become. And you cry some more until you are completely dried up and there are no more tears to shed.

I promise you this now though, it does get better. I've written that exact sentence in this journal before but that is only because it is the truth. If I'm being brutally honest with you here, you will not feel it immediately.

I have fallen countless times back into the dark before I finally realised that the self pity parties had to stop.

Yes it's hard, I still look in the mirror and most of the time I let it define who I am, I let that same sheet of glass dictate as to what I think about myself. I took inappropriate action, I compromised my health and isolated the problem from the people I care about until one day it all just happened, it all became too much and the truth finally came out as to how I was feeling.

I knew from that point on that this was going to be a long and tough battle to win, that I couldn't take it sitting down. I had to stand up and finally admit that I needed the help, shocking everyone I told in the process. Most of them actually knowing what was going on anyway despite me isolating them out of the picture, so it just proves that hiding things from those that love you actually notice because they know you, they've witnessed you changing and losing yourself on a daily basis up until this exact point.

Step one is to realise that you need the help, it makes you brave to realise that. Step two is to then seek out that help whether it be from a friend, family member, colleague or a professional that is the best move for you to make. Its adding another member to your team to help you fight against that demon because you will take them down eventually.

You have to believe that you want the help, you have to believe that you can do it. You have to really want it! You have to stand up for you and who you want to be, its your life and your rules. 

Stand in front of that glass and tell yourself physically that you can do it, because you can and you will do it! No battle is easy to win but if you put in the time, commitment and shear determination then you will be absolutely fine.

Don't let the glass define you. There is only one of you, define yourself for what is on the inside. The outside really doesn't matter, its merely a reflection on a sheet of glass. Your body is your home, the real you lives on the inside. That is what matters, judge yourself based on that.

So the next time you stand in front of a mirror remember that your body is your home, yes you should be comfortable living within it. But just because you aren't doesn't mean that you should punish yourself. Take action by doing things that you enjoy, make a positive change. Remember that it is your voice and your personality that is portrayed to the world not your home, not your body.

Personality counts not the glass.