aLOVEthing

thirty eight | home

ONE YEAR LATER

Stephen watched as his feet slowly traveled across the freshly trimmed grass, the smell of it enticing his nose. He looked up, examining the view in front of him as his hands remained in his pockets. He briefly checked his watch to see how much time he had.

3:36 PM. 

He had plenty of time.

He looked at the row of tombstones laid out in front of him, already familiar with the names and faces that he had to pass in order to get to Heart's. 

"Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins, lovely day we're having." He nodded at the couples' tombstones that laid next to Heart's. Steph slowly squatted at eye level to Heart's picture on the tombstone and smiled to himself. He ran his hands over her picture and laid the flowers he held onto the front of the tombstone.

"Hey babygirl." He fixed the rest of her decorations before keeping his squatting position to be eye to eye with the tombstone. "How are you doing, baby? I miss you so much." He sighed, still feeling the heaviness knowing she wouldn't be able to physically answer him and touch him. After a year, it still felt like a stinging sensation every time reality set in and told him she was gone for good. But, he's been coping better than he expected.

He never thought he'd be able to get past losing her. Ever.

He still thinks it'll be embedded in him for a good amount of his life, but the only thing making it easier on him is knowing she's in peace and that she's not suffering.

And that she was with her loved ones. 

"I know I tell you this every day, but not a day goes by where I don't think about you." He sighed. "But I know you're always here taking care of me and making sure I'm okay. Uh, tonight's the season opener. I wish you were there to see this. Everything I do for you, you know that." He chuckled as he slightly shook his head. "It's weird, I'm kind of nervous for tonight, I'm not sure why. I guess I just don't want to be out there disappointing the fans and stuff. But I should be in good shape by tonight." He looked at her picture once more, staring at her features as much as he could. He felt his eyes welling up with tears, feeling like he hasn't let any of his emotions out lately. 

Steph pinched the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes shut, allowing the tears to fall. "God, I miss you so much. I can't even explain it. You were my bestfriend and I feel like a huge part of me is gone. And that I can't get that back. I just feel so unsteady." He sniffed as he wiped his tears away. "I say it all the time but its really true. I know you'd want me to be happy, but happy was wherever you were. Life was supposed to be with you. Everything was supposed to be you. Us. And I just can't ever forgive myself of not being there in time. I know it wasn't my fault, but I wish there were things I could've done to prevent this. Damn, babygirl." He sighed heavily. "I wish I could hug you and kiss you the same way I did. Things are so tough without you--"

"Steph!" Stephen turned to see Logan running his way. He smiled and stood up, giving the boy space to lay out the gifts he brought for Heart. He chuckled, seeing the huge cookies & cream Hershey's bar he brought along, laying it perfectly in front of her tombstone.

"Hey buddy, you brought Heart chocolate?" 

"Yeah, why not?"

"I mean, I'm sure she appreciates it but that'll just melt here." He chuckled. "Might as well eat it for her."

"No, Steph. I'm sure she'll enjoy it up in heaven. It'll be fine. It melting will just be a sign of her eating it." Steph smiled and rubbed the boy's head.

"You're right. You got a lot of goodies for her today."

"Yeah, I took some time to clean out things that meant a lot to me, but I figured I'd leave it for her. Just so she keeps remembering me. Her, and mom and Jomari."

"They love you, little man. They'll never forget you." Logan shrugged.

"Doesn't hurt to make sure." Steph stood as he watched Logan kneel to kiss Heart's picture on the tombstone. "Hi Heart, I miss you. I hope you can see this. I love you so much." Letting the boy have his moment, Stephen checked his watch, noticing he needed to start making his way over to the arena to prep for the game. 

Time was always so quick whenever he was here.

"Alright, I gotta start getting ready for the game."

"Okay. Dom said we were sitting courtside! Is that true?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" He chuckled. 

"You hear that Heart?!" Logan laughed. "I love you, I'll visit again tomorrow!" He said, racing back to the car, leaving Steph behind.

"Alright, baby. I gotta get ready for this game. I love you so much. You are my everything, and nothing will ever change that. Home is wherever you are." He placed a kiss on his fingers before placing it on her picture on the tombstone. "This game is for you. I'll see you soon, sweetheart."

END

(Unsteady - X Ambassadors)