calm down // josh dun

s e v e n

CAN'T HELP MYSELF BUT COUNT THE FLAWS, CLAW MY WAY OUT THROUGH THESE WALLS.

--Josh's P.O.V--

The walk home with Declan was awkward, to say the least. I tried to make friendly conversation but it quickly became apparent that he wasn't in the mood for small talk or he just didn't know what to say in return. He kept running his hands through his hair before stuffing his hands back into his pockets again. If I didn't know any better, I would say he was nervous.

Soon we arrived at Declan's house and I was surprised to see that it was one of the old and grand Victorian style houses. I followed him up the path that lead to his front porch and he quickly pulled open the front door, gesturing for me to step into the foyer. The moment Declan shut the door behind himself, I heard a voice call for him from somewhere else in the house.

"It's my mom," he told me as I followed him towards what I was guessing was the kitchen. He and I rounded the corner and the first thing that greeted me was a nice looking lady with long brown hair tied back in a braid.

"Hi, Josh, it's so great to meet you." Her voice rang with kindness and I couldn't help the smile on my face. "I'm Declan's mom, but feel free to call me Kim. He texted me and told me you were coming over. Would you like some cookies?"

She gestured to the plate of chocolate chip cookies on the counter. "I just pulled them out of the oven a little bit ago. They should be cool enough to eat by now."

My stomach growled as I reached over and plucked a cookie from the plate. "Thank you for the offering. I didn't eat much today, so I'm grateful."

Kim smiled. "You are welcome, Josh."

I watched as she wrapped her arms around Declan, pulling him against her body. He struggled to get out of her hold. "Mom, let me go. Josh and I have to go work on our English project."

"You are just embarrassed to hug me in front of your friend," she remarked, but releasing him anyway. "Okay, run along now. Dinner's in the oven, so Josh you are welcome to stay if you wish."

I gave her a smile before Declan slung his backpack back onto his shoulder, leading me up the stairs and down the hall towards his room. He pushed open the door and I was surprised to see how bare the room was. A full sized bed was in the center of the room, covered with a black comforter, two dressers were lining one wall. The gray walls were bare and I instantly felt closed off as soon as I stepped inside.

"Sorry about my mother," Declan mumbled, throwing his bag next to the bed and sitting down. "She gets excited when I have people over."

I chuckled. "You must not have a lot of people over if she gets excited over me."

Declan run a hand through his hair. "Um, you can sit down if you want." He obviously wanted to take the conversation away from the topic of people coming over to his house. "I'm sorry that I don't have a desk or anything. I always have to do my homework on my bed."

His room was definitely big enough to add a desk, but I decided to not say anything in fear that it make Declan closed off once again.

Declan crossed his legs, making room for me to sit on the end of his bed. "I'm perfectly fine with working without a desk. I only have a small one in my room myself."

A small smile appeared on his lips, but he didn't respond as he flipped his notebook open. "So, um, we have to write a fake trial. One of us has to be the defendant and the other one the prosecutor. What one do you want to be?"

"Prosecutor," I said automatically. "I'm not very good with speaking in front of people and this job has less speaking. Besides, the class has to decide whether the defendant is guilty or not and I have a feeling most of the class will vote me guilty just because I'm me."

"And you think they will vote me not guilty?" Declan asked, his eyes meeting mine. "Because of who I am?"

"You are the hockey prodigy, so you have a more likely chance than me."

Declan's hand tightened around the pen he was holding, but his voice was calm when he spoke. "We aren't graded on our verdict anyway. We are graded on our topic, which I think is pretty good, so I'm not that worried."

I was glad that Declan wasn't worried about our presentation, but he didn't have the risk of getting humiliated in front of the class like I did. I knew the moment I stepped up there my anxiety was going to act up.

We fell into silence, both of us scribbling stuff down in our notebooks. My goal was to have this project completed a few days before the due date where Declan and I could at least practice it with each other before presenting. That due date was a couple of weeks away and I hoped that we would be in good shape by then.

"So are you going to stay for dinner?" Declan asked me, quietly, not looking up from his writing.

"Uh, no. I don't think so," I responded. "I don't want to leave my mother to eat dinner by herself. However, if you and your mom would be willing to have me again, I'll eat with you guys the next time."

Declan sighed, setting his pen down. He lifted his head to look me in the eyes and I could automatically tell that he was severely uncomfortable with eye contact. "Look, Josh, I think you should know that I don't hate you or even dislike you. You seem to be a good guy. It's just that I hardly know you and it's hard for me to get to know people. I am really sorry if I come off as mean or something. I'm trying to work on that."

I would be lying if I didn't say that I was a bit taken back by his words. He was actually apologizing for his behavior towards me. He was apologizing for all the defensiveness and all the mean words. That had to be some kind of improvement, right? However, I knew he would never admit that Parker was a bad influence on him.

"Declan, it's alright. All of us have our issues and I have no right to bad mouth Parker when I don't even know him." I was lying through my teeth. "Besides, we got off on the wrong foot. How about we forget everything that has happened so far and just start over?"

Declan actually chuckled. "Okay, that sounds good to me." He appeared like he wanted to say something else, but his ringtone cut him off. I wasn't surprised that it was Mr. Brightside by the Killers.

He clicked answer, putting it up to his ear. "Yeah, what do you need?" Declan's eyes widened at whatever the person said. "I forgot. I'm sorry. I have this English project an-" The person on the other line cut him off and the boy in front of me released a heavy sigh from his lungs. "Fine. Yep, I'm on my way there now. I'll be there in five minutes."

Declan pulled the phone away from his ear and it seemed like he was instantly more tired. He ran a hand across his face. "Josh, I'm sorry. I have to go. I forgot that there was hockey practice today and I don't leave now I'll be in bigger trouble."

I nodded, getting off of his bed. "Oh, okay, that's fine. I'll work on my part more tonight and we can get back together whenever you are free again."

Declan threw his bag onto his shoulders. "I truly am sorry. I'll make sure I don't have hockey practice next time."

He didn't give me a chance to respond before he was out of his room and racing down the stairs. I heard him give a brief explanation to his mother and then the front door slam.

No matter what was going on, Declan's fear of Parker was going to always win out in the end.