calm down // josh dun

t w e n t y

--Josh's P.O.V--

Practically the whole town showed up for Declan Gray's funeral to the point where the funeral home had to deny people entry due to the limited space. I stood at the door and promised that I would tell Ms. Gray who showed up and who gave her their best wishes.

I was not a people person and I hated standing by the door, but it was better than being in the same room as Declan's body. His coffin was open even though the marks on his neck were extremely obvious. I didn't want to see him like that. It would look like he was sleeping and we all knew that he was never going to wake up again.

I sat in the lobby once the service started. I didn't want to sit in front row with Ms. Gray as a minister went on and one about great of a person Declan Gray was when that minister didn't even know him personally. Declan wasn't a religious person. He thought God looked down on him. If he knew that a minister was speaking a funeral, he would probably laugh.

I wasn't exactly sure how long I was sitting in the lobby, but before I knew it Declan's favorite song, Mr. Brightside by the Killers, was playing signaling that the service was almost over and that it was almost time to take the young boy's body to the cemetery.

My head was bowed the entire time the song played, tears streaming down my face. I jumped when someone spoke.

"Josh, can I talk to you about something?" I glanced up to see none other than Parker Axton. His face was coated with tears.

This was the first time I had saw Parker since I was told about Declan's death and I still believed that he had no right to be grieving when he contributed to his all-star player's suicide.

The police cleared him of any wrongdoing in Declan's suicide, which meant he didn't get charged with manslaughter or any other kind of punishment. The school board punished him over the newspaper article, but other than that, he got off clean.

He shouldn't have.

The boy cleared his throat before speaking. "I treated Declan terribly and I knew that. I understand that and I understand that I contributed to his depression and I will carry that guilt around for the rest of my life. However, I believe that I owe you an explanation as to why I treated him like I did."

I sighed, shifting my position. "Parker, I don't want to hear this. Nothing you can say can make the way you treated him okay."

The dark-haired boy lowered himself down beside me. "I know that! I know that I can't make anything okay with my words, but will you please at least hear me out?"

I ran my hands across my face, a defeated sigh leaving my lips. "Fine, Parker. Start talking."

Parker took a deep breath before launching into his story. "Declan was just so much more confident than I ever could have been. He was not afraid of himself. He was not in denial about who he was. He always knew that he was a boy and he wasn't afraid to admit that to himself. He, of course, was afraid of other people figuring that out, but who wouldn't be? The world is cruel and I know that I am one of the people that make it cruel, but i didn't treat Declan terribly just because I didn't like him or just because he was transgender."

I turned towards him, anger written all over my face. "Then why did you treat him like a big under your shoe? Why did you mentally hurt him so much that he wanted to actually quit the hockey team? Why?"